2004 Pretenders / Contenders

Hey, its April, I’m a healthy 192lbs, my skin has the healthy sheen of skim milk, I find myself actually watching women’s college basketball and its 38 degrees outside. Who’s ready for some baseball? The Man is back, for real this time, not some bullshit 2 team review, but a full fledged, no-holds barred 8 team, Pretenders/Contenders wrap-up complete with predictions,
>insights and occasional humor. So here we go CARP 2004 our tenth anniversary year. As always you don’t like what I say, print, tack it, get back to me in October. Please no wagering the picks are for recreational purposes only.

8th Place: The Philadelphia Cheesesteaks; 2003 Finish: 6th

Keys to Success:
Very quietly the Steaks have assembled one of the best OF’s in CARP. Sheff, Ordonez, Suzuki are the best 1-2-3 out there. The ‘roids apparently prevent Sheff from feeling any pain in his thumb and although he will not repeat his 03 #’s he is a lock for 30hr and 100rbi batting in the MFY lineup (assuming no injury or grand jury indictment). Gibbons and Matos round out the deepest OF in carp. Nobody pays much attention to Orioles not named Miguel or Javy but Gibbons will put up numbers worthy of a #1 OF in the 4 hole. Not so bad. With all apologies to Mr. Hicks (err Wolfe) the Steaks have the best catchers in the league. Stop it, you say, how can Martinez and LeCroy compete with IRod and Javy? Well
in the first place they are $56 cheaper. The Frenchman just qualifies at C and has a chance at 25hr in a full season. Martinez breaks out in 04 and hits .280 with 65rbi and a handful of hr’s, lets say 12. How’s that better than the Steers, because I said so, shut up and it your veggies, I am the man, end of discussion.

Keys to Distress:
The pitching, oh sweet jesus, the Steaks pitching. Actually to call it pitching insults pitchers of all types, even those who throw like Jerry Seinfeld. Fine I’ll give you Vazquez, no argument. Quick, what do Nate Cornejo, Dan Wright, Chan Ho Park and Grant Balfour have in common? If you said they “SUCK” give yourself a gold star. You know its nice to shop at Wal-Mart to pick up trash bags and batteries but you don’t buy your clothes there, get it. I mean with Leiber on the DL who is the Steaks number 3? Somebody look up the CARP record for worst era/whip in a season, we may have a new record. The Steaks infield is no picnic either. Delgado’s a stud but Guzman, Valentin, Randa? Congratulations you have assembled an all-star infield, from 1999. Konerko, well as a former owner I can say that $15 is a reach. Let’s Go Flyers!

Player to Watch:
Ichi-Ban. Cheesy pick. I mean last year he hit .312 with 111r and 34 sb but he is the pick here because I expect a return to 40+sb and an avg above .330. (Even cheesier add-on, Marte. Koch loses the closer job by May 1 and Marte steps up with 28svs and an era around 2.20, man I’m beating up on the Wolfe here aren’t I?)

Grab a Beer When:
My favorite category. So many to pick, but can’t go wrong with Higginson. Higgy will not be getting jiggy with the bat. Can a 33 yr old coming off a year in which he hit .235/14/52/61 do worse? Of course he can, if we all just believe, we know Higgy can do it!

Draft Grade:
I been doing this for ten years now (well 9 ½ counting last year). People ask me Mr. Man, how can I be like you? “Drink lots of >beer, buy the baseball package and waste the first hour at work surfing the >web”, I say. Mr. Man how can my draft get a D+? Well draft Sheffield for >$40, Konerko for $15 and fill out your roster with crappy $1 players. Hello?? Vazquez prevents the Steaks draft from receiving a F. I’m just starting to repeat myself but Higgy, German and Park for $1 when there was nobody left drafting? WTF! I like Sleeth in the first round taxi but then Rauch, Borchard? Seriously look at a calendar.

Management: C.
The Steaks have been wandering the desert like the lost
tribe of Israel for the past several years (where else can you get analysis
like this for free?). Little direction and no plan. The Steaks have always been afraid to make the big trade to improve their club. At this point it may be moot as it looks like they will be spending their summer just trying to stay out of the basement.

7th Place: The Park Ave. Money; 2003 Finish: 8th Place

Keys to Success:
Where the hell did all the pitching come from? What was once the Achilles heel of this team is now its strength. Mussina, Brown, Radke, Kim is pretty good on any team. Meche and Johnson battle it out for the 5 and 6 spots (not bad for a combined $9) and suddenly Bedard has emerged as the 5th starter in Balt. Yes the Money spent $95 on two pitchers but you can’t take it with you (Pirates take notes). Despite what has been a horrific spring, Foulke is primed to become one of the top two closers in the AL. I’m expecting 40 saves and an era below 3.00. The bench
is deep on B+ and better prospects (Sizemore and Loewen stand out) and with a few good moves the Money may be pushing for the middle of the pack next year.

Keys to Distress:
The OF is not Money and they know it. Nixon was >supposed to supply the power and now he’s out until June and maybe longer. Baldelli and Matsui are nice players, but in CARP OF’s that hit 15hr and drive in 85 don’t win you trophies they give you first picks in supplemental drafts. Ford, Crisp Olderud? I’m starting to fell sick. The honeymoon is over for the Money and now it time to play with the big boys. The infield is a joke, almost every player from Guillen to Speizio (who’s now on the DL) would be at best a bench player on a good CARP team, on the Money well…..at least Noah can spend his long lonely summer night staring wistfully at the
Joe Mauer poster above his bed. Mmmmm…..Mauerific.

Player to Watch:
BK Kim. I know he’s hurt but when he comes back healthy I think he can win 12-15 games with great numbers. A steal at $4.

Grab a Beer When:
Diaz lumbers to the plate in Montreal in front of 400 screaming fans. Of course they will be screaming “Ou est Le Canadians?” Seriously, they hated this guy so much in Tex they gave his job to Gerald Laird.

Draft Grade: B.
"With great power comes great responsibility”—The old guy in Spiderman.

“With a ton of money at the draft comes great scrutiny.”—The Man.

$160 for 10 players, you better get some good guys and the Money did locking up Brown and Mussina. I love Meche and Kim-Chi, Matsui is a reach at $23 but not a bad gamble. Loewen and Bedard were great taxi picks. So why the B? Well you shouldn’t be drafting players for a buck who don’t make the 25 man roster (Ford) and some of the taxi picks were just plain goofy—Maier and Snelling? No thanks.

Management:
This is a tough one. Who is the real Money, the GM who turned Dan Wright into Varitek, Foulke and Bernie or the guy who traded a pick for Scott Shields? The mysterious Money is still something of an unknown quantity. If he sets up his email to filter out messages from the Creepers he’ll have a better chance of improving his grade next year. B-.

6th Place: The Texas Steers; 2003 Finish: 7th

Keys to Success:
Well all I can say is that it better be catcher. The Steers have been managed in recent years like some wicked fat chick tries fad diets. Novel idea, good intentions, usually doesn’t work. We’ve
seen the hoard all the pitching theory, this year it was hoard all the >catchers. With over $142 to spend on 10 players the Steers spent 47% of their cash on IRod and Javy. Now I’m sure that nobody does it better than those two but what about the other 12 hitters? I do like the OF. Schwolfe needed 4 and he got Damon, Guillen, Salmon and White. Not exactly flank steak but not bologna either. Ortiz and Erstad will prove to be two of the better 1b this year, Ortiz because he hits 30hr again and Erstad because the little weasel gets 12 steals while qualifying at 1b.

Keys to Distress:
Starting pitching. After Hudson and Ponson the rest of the Steers SP’s are a rag-tag bunch looking for respect. Escobar has yet to prove that he can withstand a full season and his 3-6 pitch for KC and TB, not exactly a recipe for success. Staying on the female theme, much of the Steers lineup is like a older flight attendant, when you first see her way down the aisle she looks kind of attractive, but when she serves you that third scotch you notice she just some old bag with an inch of makeup on to cover all the unsightly crow’s-feet and wrinkles. That’s Hatteberg and Aurila. Both guys have value on the bench but not in your starting lineup. The Berg has never been a viable option and Aurila is still living of the glory of one good year. Koch is a ticking time bomb. The over under on his first blown save is April 15th and guess where the smart money is? I love Soriano as much as any heterosexual man can, but as long as he continues to be hurt and/or pitch middle relief he’s essentially useless.

Player to Watch:
Ortizzle. After so many years of tempting us (to the point that nobody even drafted him until the middle of last summer) the Tizzle delivers on a full season of .280/32/108/95.

Grab a Beer When:
Jeremy Gonzalez takes the mound. Count me among the non-believers. This guy sucks like a two-dollar whore. Think less than 10 wins and an era around 4.60.

Draft Grade: C+
This is a combo of draft and management. Maybe the Man doesn’t know everything, maybe I haven’t won shit since 99, but if you have $142 to spend, don’t you open a pitcher slot rather than keep Darrell May. Its not just me, is it?. Yeah he got Guillen for $14 (one of the top 5 drafts) he got Damon for $34, fair price, and Blum and Blake are decent value picks. It all comes back to the catcher theory. Maybe IRod and Lopez combine for 60hr but I doubt it. I’d rather have Ramirez, Vlad or Sheff. The Steers taxi round reads like a team in actual contention, Delluci, Donnolly etc. Please see above predicted finish.

Management:
Misunderstood genius or crack-head? Based on the past few years Mr. Wolfe likey the crack. Maybe one of these years he’ll finally hit on the right formula but right now 2001 is looking like kind of a fluke. He has managed to secure a stable of prospects including Morneau, Reed and Blanton and McGowen. Does he hold his cards for next year or make a play? How bout trading for every closer in the AL? I’m being generous B-

5th Place: The Berwick Hogs; 2003 Finish 5th

Keys to Success: The number one reason the Hogs are this high is their starting pitching. Colon and Pinerio are both legitimate #1 SP, but the Hogs managed to snag both Garcia and Redman in the draft. Both sleepers both capable of 15 wins and for only $17. The OF is also better than most. Anderson and Ramirez are both MVP candidates. Look for 75hr and 230rbi combined. Jones and Lofton can still bring it, despite his age Lofton is a lock for 25sb. The Hogs #5 OF hit .317 with 15hrs. While a 1-4SP and OF make a compelling case for 4th lets look at the..

Keys to Distress:
Nothing jumps out right away, then you see it, depth. With the exception of OF (where they need it least) the Hogs have none. Even with a strong 1-4 Garland is still mediocre and Lopez starts the year in the pen. Who do you call? Honel and Durbin? Not a single SP on the bench and Gordon is starting. Not a way to make the bug dogs worried. The middle infield is a wasteland. Vizquel and Reese win lots of Gold Gloves, as soon as that’s a CARP category watch out for the Hogs. Didn’t Hall/Molina look so much better a year ago?

Player to Watch:
Pena. This kid is due and the Man says its time. The power is there now the average comes back. Book .275 24/80/80

Grab a Beer When:
Garland’s turn rolls around. How was this guy ever a prospect? Player A: 4.57/1.42/116K Player B: 4.51/1.37/108K. Who do you like better? Player A is the Gambler B is Garland, nuff said.

Draft Grade: A-
Maybe the best draft of anyone. Decent amount of cash ($118) but he needed 10 players. He gets one of the stud OFs in Ramirez, Pena at DH for $6 and Durazo for the same. Then he gets Colon/Garcia/Redman for $2 less than Schilling. Over/under on wins from that trio is 40. Great draft and the taxi was just about as good. Aubrey >and Durbin and both B+ prospects with upside and close the majors. Gaithright and Callaspo and both good value picks and Cattalanatto and Guiel and good off the bench. Maybe the Hogs can parlay some of that depth into one more SP.

Management: Straight B.
The Hogs recent track record has been marred by bad trades and bad luck. How else do you turn Rocco Baldelli into Manny Ramirez into nothing. No team lost more talent to the NL in the off-season (Milton, Pettitte, Everett, Johnson etc) and that makes the Hogs draft even more impressive. However, this has yet to translate into the standings. The core is there. Only Ramirez and Sweeney look like they won’t be back and if a couple of players pan out and the Hogs make a couple of shrewd trades the Hogs won’t be in the first preview next year. Whether that happens remains to be seen.

Finally, its here. Stop your whining. We are 18 games into the season. That’s 11% for you math whizzes. For those of you a little slower out there, if this were the Boston Marathon you would still have 23.3 miles left to run, if it was a lapdance you would still have $17.80 left of enjoyment from Supergirl, if it was a bag of the chronic you would still have 3.1gms left of the whoodolly doodolly. You get the point. Fact is its April 27 and I’m the Man and your not so sit back and enjoy….bitch.

Welcome everyone to the Contenders 2004. The 10th season of CARP is wide open and three weeks into the season its anybody’s trophy. It looks like we have an exciting season ahead of us filled with thrills, chills, spills, trades and grades. This year we are taking a Game Show approach to the Contenders in honor of everyone’s favorite host Bob “take it bitch” Barker. Mr. Man, there are four contestants left, lets meet them.


From Lawrence, MA, home of the 1984 race riots, it’s the Capitol City Brewers in fourth place.

Game Show: Press Your Luck.

Keys to Success:
No whammies, no whammies! When you think Brewers you think offense. ARod, Belle, Nomar the list of former sluggers is long. But this year if the Brewers make any noise at all it will be because of their pitching. Schilling & Mulder might be the best 1,2 punch in the league. Schilling is a horse, he’ll log 225ip and strike out the same number. Before a hip injury ended his season last year Mulder was a Cy Young candidate, no reason he doesn’t make the run again now that he’s healthy. #3-5 aren’t sexy but their solid, much like Bob Barker after two Viagra and a martini. Wakefield, Lee and Contreas are all capable of 15 wins and 150K. The bullpen is also a strength for the first time in many years. Nathan and Baez are solid closers and if one falters there is a good chance that Spier can pick up the slack. No mention of the Brewers is complete without a mention of the MI. ARod is a golden God and Crosby, while not putting up big #’s this year (think 12hr 70rbi and 15sb) is well on his way to becoming an elite SS in 2 years.

Keys to Distress:
Now catchers are thin in the AL but you need to get some AB’s. Remember the Flahardi from a few years back? Well the Brewers now have the Myhouse. Watch him get 300ab, watch him hit .245, watch him belt 8hr, watch the Brewers finish 4th! There is also a noticible lack of OF power. After trading Giambi and Soriano away the Brewers had to find 80 hr fast. Sanchez, Tino and Lawton? Not going to do it. SB are also going to be a problem. Sanchez is supposed to be the main source but you can’t steal first, you can’t piss in the wind and you can’t keep the Buckos away from the water on draft weekend.

Player to Watch:
Cliff Lee. The real reason for the Soriano/Giambi deal. This may not be the “break out” season but watch Lee post a sub4 era with 150+K and 12 wins on a mediocre Cleveland team.

Grab a Beer when:
Matt Lawton digs in. Yes that Matt Lawton. That’s why I’m the Man and you’re just reading the Man. The road to the CARP trophy is littered with the bodies of players that start hot out of the gate only to fade by mid-summer. What, do you think he back to being a 20-20 guy, please give the Brewers a call.

Draft Grade: A-.
Let’s see, $118 check, need some power, Dye, check, some speed, Sanchez check, stud pitcher, Schilling check, closer, Nathan check, prospects, Young and Hernandez check and check, catcher ahh, somebody get me a beer. The Brewers took a big gamble when the traded away the core of their team just prior to the draft, but it paid off. Not only did they get the best starter and closer at the draft they made nice value picks in Ainsworth and DuBose both of whom will contribute this year. They also arguable grabbed the best hitting and pitching prospects while stocking their bench with players that can step up in the case of injury. Only the catching fiasco and the Rodney pick (2nd round taxi??) prevent this from being an A.

Management Grade: A-.
Right, I know how do you get A- across the board and finish 4th? Well remember where the Brewers are coming from. The 2003 Brewers were the champs…on paper, but the roster looked to be in sad shape after the season ended. Clemens, Colon, Mussina and Ramirez were all released. But in one bold move GM LaTour remade the roster sending
Giambi/Soriano/Rivera/Martinez etc to the Buckos for Mulder/Lee/Crosby. The trade makes the Brewers as dangerous as a Bob Barker dressing room and a force in 05’.


Next, from New York City via the Long Island xpressway, the Chelsea Pirates,
your third place team.

Game Show: Jeopardy.

Keys to Success:
Alex, I’ll take pitching and the corner infield for $500. After what has seen like years wondering in the wilderness, some good trades by the Pirates have finally come to fruition resulting in one of the better rotations in CARP. Zito, CC and Buehrle are all legit #1, with CC ready to break out. CC, an injury risk, has been waiting for the Clev. Team to catch up to his talents. Although his K rate has decreased he has compensated with better control. 18 wins and an era around 3.25 look good this year. Several years and a Cy Young ago Zito looked like the next star on the Oak staff. But there are warning signs. His h/9 have increased and k/9 have decreased noticeably in the past two seasons. Too many IP? Probably, don’t expect a return to his 02#’s anytime soon, but he is solid. Going in the opposite direction is Buehrle who bounced back nicely after a horrid start in 03. Another guy who gives solid numbers (minus the K’s). With apologies to the Buckos, the Pirates now have the best CI in the league. Ortizzle was already written up in the Pretenders and he joins the best 3b in Mookie Blalock and the man you love to hate the Big Skirt. The best CI in the league will put up 110hr 250rbi and score 200runs, not too shabby.

Keys to Distress:
Middle infield, bullpen and depth. The MI is a disaster. Even before Ellis went down with a season ending injury Berroa was being counted on repeating his ROY numbers to make the MI respectfull. Now he’s on the DL and only Julio Lugo is out there. Can the rest of the Pirates O make up for the giant doughnut that is the MI? Not this year. The back of the rotation is also a problem. Yeah I like Riley but in his first full year what is he really going to do? Zambrano just sucks, he lead the league in BB last year and did you notice he plays for TB? Lilly? Please he’s what does he bring to the table but a huge case of heartburn? Harden is gone and that leaves the bullpen…pass the tums. MacDougal is recovering from, strange enough, a stomach virus. Julio scares the shit out of me. Of course I could be wrong but the combination of those two seems a little like gasoline and fire. FRod is a stud but until Percival’s hip finally cracks, the only serious action he’s going to see in going to be in the bars and not on the field. Throw in the fact that the entire Pirates bench consists of Brian Jordan, Danny Patterson and Ken Harvey you can’t really say 2004 is their year. Maybe most improved.

Player to watch:
Hank the Tank. Blalock is ahead of schedule and this year wrestles away the title of best 3b from Chavez. Only playing for the crappy Rangers will keep him out serious consideration for MVP. .290 38hr 120rbi 100r.

Grab a beer when:
sad ass Bernie Williams wheels himself to the plate. I said it at the draft and I repeat, people still think he’s the player he was in 98. He’s not, he’s old, he’s lost at least a step and he’s hurt. Sadly he won’t even give you the +.300 avg that used to be a given. $10 ain’t a bargain when it gets you .270 10hr and 70rbi.


Draft Grade: C+.
It would have been a solid B but get a (-) for not being able to bid on SP when you have $100+ to spend (the Wolfe syndrome) and you get another (-) when you leave the table with $26 to spend. I repeat, Mons Venus does not accept CARP cash. Vlad was the stud of the draft to get and the Pirates get high marks for having the balls to pay for him. Somebody should check but I think $54 has got to be a record for a nonSP. He’ll be great trade bait when the Pirates fall out of contention. Olivo and Palmeiro are both solid value picks for the money. Varitek, ehh $22 seems a little high, you know my position on Bernie. Taxi not so good. Colome and Patterson? Are we trying to draft reserve set up men? I like Sullivan, Lubanski and Rosario but nothing there with high trade value or close to major league ready.

Management Grade: B+
It probably should be higher but thanks to Union college (or maybe CARP) I have suffered a great deal of memory loss in the past few years. The Pirates have been a perennial door mat since they entered the league. The mere fact that they have now graduated to the Contenders and have an outside (albeit small) chance to win the Cup this year should give them an A, right? I mean they have done it the right way, trading the high priced talent for cheap studs, make a few smart trades and then spend the bucks to fill in the gaps. But what happened last week? Poised to make a killer trade to upgrade the offense, the Pirates take their best chip and Harden and do they get an OF or MI? No they get a C and CI, two positions that they were already strong at. Maybe I’m wrong and Lopez and Ortizzle lead the Pirates rag tag group of SP to the title, then again maybe beer will start falling from the sky and the Buckos will make it through a draft weekend without puking every day.

Now comes the hard part. Probably the closest call to make in the past 5 years of CARP. A true battle between the head and the heart. On the one hand, one team seems like this is finally their year, while another, at least on paper, looks poised to repeat and cement its legacy as the ultimate dynasty in CARP history. The lesson, never listen to your heart.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your second place team, The Beltway Buckos:

Game Show: Let’s Make a Deal

Keys to Success:
Behind door number 1 we have…Offense, offense, and more offense. There is nothing subtle about the Buckos gameplan, they are simply going to mash you into submission. The Buckos lead in just about every offensive category and Nomar is on the DL? Its an all-star lineup, Posada, Soriano and Beltran are the best players at their respective positions and its not too bad to have scrubs like Giambi, Glaus and Juan Gone filling in the blanks. Even the third tier type starters like Broussard and Ibanez would be welcome additions to most CARP teams. With Nomar back the MI is the best in the league, the CI can play with anybody and Posada effectively negates any serious advantage that the super C’s on the Pirates might have. The only problem, none of these guys can pitch. The Buckos must surely pine for the days when players like Ruth could pitch a shutout and whack a 3-run dinger in the same game. Who knows, maybe somebody should ask Beltran? At least the Buckos have the best bullpen around. Riske is gone but Rhodes and Rivera form a 1-2 punch good for 75 saves and an era of 2.50. Not too shabby in a league where middle relievers are still starting on most teams.

Keys to Distress:
Everyone has a weakness, an achiellies heel. The Germans foolishly opened a second front with the Russians, that fucker Gump let Pedro in for the 8th, Shakey can’t control himself in the pit when “Careless whisper” by Wham! comes on, and the Buckos can never turn down a free beer or the chance to take a dip in the ocean. They also don’t have enough pitching. Even with the trade for Downtown Kevin Brown and hoping that Loaiza’s deal with the devil doesn’t expire this year, this team just doesn’t have the horses. Come on? Silva, Hentgen, Maroth…the Gambler? That’s a freaking support group not a starting rotation. “Hi, my name’s Kenny and I have a problem with wins, era and whip. Hi Kenny!” Depth is also a problem. The Buckos sent most of their tradable talent to the Brewers right before the draft. At the draft did they pick up some trading chips? Not unless you consider chips to have names like Stanford and Westbrook. The Buckos are “all in”, its just too bad their only holding a full house while the Creepers have a flush.

Player to watch:
Beltran. Boring you say. Well the Man is never boring because not only do I make the picks but I give you the stats. By the end of the season Beltran will put together the best roto season since ARod in 96. .325 38hr 125rbi 130r 40sb.

Grab a beer when:
Edgar comes up. The Grim Reaper has finally found his man. I mean how long did you think the man was going to keep posting 25hr 100rbi seasons. He’s 41 for Christ sake. Watch as his bat slows, he breaks down and finishes with a whimper, .288 16hr 76rbi 55runs.

Draft Grade: B
Solid yet unspectacular. Not much money to spend, so Juan
for 14, Cruz for 6 and Bastita for 6 is impressive. Not so impressive was the previously mentioned taxi. Hill and Shoppach? Wow, those guys couldn’t find the majors with a roadmap. Buchanan gets extra credit for conducting a “home tour” at 3am for our neighbor, who then stole our keg after Buchanan passed out. I swear, can’t we sell “Buchanan at the draft” as a reality show to Fox or something? Its better than “Fear Factor”.



Management Grade: A-.
The Buckos are not shy when it comes to pulling the trigger on a major trade. They are going for it this year and sacrificed a lot of young talent in Mulder, Crosby and Lee to win it all. They have already moved to improve the rotation by picking up Brown and trading away Riske and their best prospect Batista. That brings us to the problem and what may ultimately decide the Cup this year. The Buckos are tapped out, the cubboard is bare. Only Roberts remains as a viable trading option, otherwise the Buckos have to start cannabilizing their roster to improve. Maybe they won’t have to. Maybe with that offense the pitching is just good enough, maybe the Creepers get a big visit from the injury bug this year. Maybe…but I’m betting against it. Why? Well in addition to the fact that I have a compulsive gambling problem, because the Creepers have players to deal. That doesn’t always guarantee a title (trust me I know) but this year I think that the Buckos just fall short.

2004 CARP Champions: The Brighton Creepers

Game Show: The Price is Right, Bitch!

Keys to Success:
Besides Bobby B’s bloody spooge? Pitching, pitching, blah, blah, blah. We are all sick and goddamn tired of watching the Creepers win, but you have to give GM Griffiths credit. Whether by hook or by crook he has managed once again to put together the best staff in CARP. Halladay is just entering his prime. Pedro is well, Pedro. That’s fine for 1 and 2 but the Creepers trot out Santana, Lowe and Moyer at 3-4-5. Every one of those guys can be a potential #1 in CARP. Are there problems? Sure. Pedro could get hurt agin, Santana is not fully recovered from off-season surgery, Moyer is beginning to show his age…but what are the odds of more than one of those scenarios playing out? The SPs almost make you forget how good the OF is. Crawford leads the league in SB and is currently on pace to steal 70. Wells the current CARP MVP will certainly put up similar numbers to last year 30-100 and the Creepers picked up MVP in waiting Ordonez last week. Combined with an infield of Huff, Boone, Tex and Koskie and you start to wonder how can the Creepers lose?

Keys to Distress:
The bullpen. That’s just about it, plus injuries. Percival is still a stud but he could get hurt. The Creepers panicked a bit by trading for Koch. Koch, aka the ticking time bomb, just isn’t going to do it. Can the Creepers win while finishing 7th or 8th in saves? That’s the question. They still might have to make another trade to hold off a late charge by either the Buckos, Pirates or maybe even the Brewers. Injuries also point to depth, where the Creepers are probably a little more thin than they would like to admit. Munson and Davis are the only real players off the bench. He still has Upton, Kotchman and ESantana to trade but now Rios and Crain are gone. On paper it shouldn’t be that close but that’s why they play the games right? A slow start means that the Creepers have some ground to make up there are 142 games left. As the cliché goes, it’s a marathon not a sprint and when the season ends the Man’s betting it will be the Creepers again.

Player to Watch:
You want to know the real reason the Creepers win? Players like Laird. The Creepers picked another winner. This guy goes from backup to starter in between the draft and opening day. I’m convinced. In a league where catchers are at a premium a guy who hits .285 12-70-60 is worth much more than $1.

Grab a beer when:
Gerut’s turn comes up. Somehow this guy managed to hit 20+hr last year despite the fact he sucks and apparently hurt his arm so bad he can’t lift his hand above his shoulder. Like a true idiot he insists on playing through the injury. Wouldn’t want to sacrifice your own glory for the good of the team. Saw him steal a base last week in the 9th with the
Indians down 3, pure Creeper.

Draft grade: Should be NA.
Never has a team had so little to draft so few. Santiago, Laird for $2, A-. Kotsay Bigbie, B+, A Gonzlaez B. DeJesus, B, guess I’m leaning towards a B+. Maybe a B because he kept Lewis on his roster.

Management Grade:
Can you remember the last time the Creepers made a bad move? I mean besides the Koch trade? Right…steady leadership, shrewd trades, astute drafting, can you argue with 4 CARP Cups? Some unnamed owners have complained that the Creepers use some sort of mind control when dealing with other te……these aren’t the droids you are looking for. Sorry, lost my train of thought. The Creepers have clearly made some good trades over the past year. Crawford, Wells, Phelps, Santana and Moyer are all Creepers via trade in the last year. Nobody works harder or emails more than GM Grifftihs. He sent out more emails than websites for penile enlargement last year. But what matters are the results, not necessarily the method. A.