OFFSEASON TRADE.
DEFENDING CARP CHAMP CHELSEA BOYS, SEND BRIGHTON CREEPERS MIKE SWEENEY FOR 1ST RD PICK, 3RD SUPP.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Thursday, December 08, 2005
CARP Cup Winners & MVPs
THE CARP CUP
1995 - Beltway Buckos - (David Cone)
1996 - Capital City Brewers (Alex Rodriguez)
1997 - Capital City Brewers (Nomar Garciappara)
1998 - Brighton Creepers (Randy Johnson)
1999 - Capital City Brewers (Mike Mussina)
2000 - Brighon Creepers (Darrin Erstad)
2001 - Texas Steers (Mike Mussina)
2002 - Brighton Creepers (Derek Lowe)
2003 - Brighton Creepers (Vernon Wells)
2004 - Capital City Brewers (Curt Schilling)
2005 - Chelsea Pirates (Mark Buehrle)
1995 - Beltway Buckos - (David Cone)
1996 - Capital City Brewers (Alex Rodriguez)
1997 - Capital City Brewers (Nomar Garciappara)
1998 - Brighton Creepers (Randy Johnson)
1999 - Capital City Brewers (Mike Mussina)
2000 - Brighon Creepers (Darrin Erstad)
2001 - Texas Steers (Mike Mussina)
2002 - Brighton Creepers (Derek Lowe)
2003 - Brighton Creepers (Vernon Wells)
2004 - Capital City Brewers (Curt Schilling)
2005 - Chelsea Pirates (Mark Buehrle)
Monday, October 03, 2005
Pirates Capture Booty: First Carp Cup
| Chelsea Pirates | 6.0 | 5.5 | 5.0 | 8.0 | 8.0 | 8.0 | 8.0 | 6.0 | 7.0 | 8.0 | 69.5 | 3.5 |
| Baltimore Bees | 8.0 | 5.5 | 6.0 | 6.0 | 5.0 | 2.5 | 7.0 | 3.0 | 2.0 | 7.0 | 52.0 | 1.5 |
| Brighton Creepers | 3.0 | 4.0 | 4.0 | 3.0 | 6.0 | 5.0 | 5.0 | 7.0 | 8.0 | 6.0 | 51.0 | -0.5 |
| Beltway Buckos | 1.0 | 8.0 | 7.0 | 5.0 | 7.0 | 4.0 | 6.0 | 4.0 | 3.0 | 1.0 | 46.0 | -3.0 |
| Philadelphia Cheesesteaks | 7.0 | 7.0 | 8.0 | 7.0 | 2.0 | 2.5 | 1.0 | 5.0 | 1.0 | 3.0 | 43.5 | 0.5 |
| Park Avenue Money | 5.0 | 1.0 | 2.0 | 2.0 | 3.0 | 6.0 | 2.0 | 8.0 | 6.0 | 2.0 | 37.0 | 0.5 |
| Capital City Brewers | 4.0 | 2.0 | 1.0 | 4.0 | 4.0 | 1.0 | 4.0 | 2.0 | 5.0 | 4.0 | 31.0 | -1.5 |
| Durham Warthogs | 2.0 | 3.0 | 3.0 | 1.0 | 1.0 | 7.0 | 3.0 | 1.0 | 4.0 | 5.0 | 30.0 | -1.0 |
STANDINGS BY CATEGORY
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Thursday, September 01, 2005
Fifth Supplemental Draft Results - 2005
------- RD 1 --------
Hogs - Jerry Owens Chi OF AA
Money - Glen Perkins, MIN, SP, AA
Brewers - Rafael Soriano, SEA
Steaks - Bobby Jenks, ChA
Creepers - Phil Hughes, NY, A
Buckos - Edison Volquez, P, TX
Bees - John Maine, P, BAL
Pirates - Gio Gonzalez, ChiSox
------- RD 2 --------
Hogs - Donald Kelly, IF, Det
Money - Ryan Garko, 1B, CLE
Buckos - Rafael Betancourt, P, CLE
Steaks - Kirk Saarloos, SP, OAK
Hogs - Zach Jackson, P, TOR
Pirates - Kevin Melillo, OAK
Pirates - Mark Ellis, OAK
Creepers - David Purcey AA Tor
Hogs - Jerry Owens Chi OF AA
Money - Glen Perkins, MIN, SP, AA
Brewers - Rafael Soriano, SEA
Steaks - Bobby Jenks, ChA
Creepers - Phil Hughes, NY, A
Buckos - Edison Volquez, P, TX
Bees - John Maine, P, BAL
Pirates - Gio Gonzalez, ChiSox
------- RD 2 --------
Hogs - Donald Kelly, IF, Det
Money - Ryan Garko, 1B, CLE
Buckos - Rafael Betancourt, P, CLE
Steaks - Kirk Saarloos, SP, OAK
Hogs - Zach Jackson, P, TOR
Pirates - Kevin Melillo, OAK
Pirates - Mark Ellis, OAK
Creepers - David Purcey AA Tor
Trade
The Pirates send Brad Snyder back to the Creepers in exchange for the Creepers next 2 picks.
The Pirates then use those picks to select Kevin Melillo, OAK, and Mark Ellis, OAK
The Pirates then use those picks to select Kevin Melillo, OAK, and Mark Ellis, OAK
Friday, August 26, 2005
Breaking News: CARP Trade
Creepers trade Clint Nageotte to Money for Hayden Penn. Creeper's GM was quoted saying "Well we already have 2 solid closers and 2 solid closer prospects. and you can never have too many good, young starter prospects, especially when you got 2 gutless chumps like Meche and Mays on your team. Penn has some upside while Nageotte has that famous slider, [Nageotte] also seems to have have some serious control issues, and Penn's last 4 outings in Bowie have been very encouraging. "
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Fourth Supplemental Draft Results - 2005
Hogs--Pedroia 2b/Bos--Durazo
Creepers (from Money) --Lester SP/Bos-Tino
Brewers--Rodney RP/Det--Gerut
Steaks--Kendrick 2b/ANA--Dukes
Creepers--Young OF/Chi--Percival
Money(from Bees)--Bankston 1b/TB--Harris
Creepers(from Buckos)--Nageotte RP/Sea--None
Pirates--Jones SS/Sea--Pickering
Creepers (from Money) --Lester SP/Bos-Tino
Brewers--Rodney RP/Det--Gerut
Steaks--Kendrick 2b/ANA--Dukes
Creepers--Young OF/Chi--Percival
Money(from Bees)--Bankston 1b/TB--Harris
Creepers(from Buckos)--Nageotte RP/Sea--None
Pirates--Jones SS/Sea--Pickering
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Blockbuster Trade!!!
Buckos send Frank Cattalanotto to the Money for MI super-stud Ruben Gotay. Watch out Pirates, here come the Buckos.
"I'm working hard," he said. "I'm trying my best. I can't do anything else. Hopefully, I will finish strong this season." He's in a late-season competition for second base with Donnie Murphy, who isn't doing much better. It's a tight race, as Gotay is hitting .227 on the year, and Murphy is at .226.
.....which also makes him slightly better than Brett Boone.
"I'm working hard," he said. "I'm trying my best. I can't do anything else. Hopefully, I will finish strong this season." He's in a late-season competition for second base with Donnie Murphy, who isn't doing much better. It's a tight race, as Gotay is hitting .227 on the year, and Murphy is at .226.
.....which also makes him slightly better than Brett Boone.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Attack Of The Killer Bees
AP – Baltimore: The Bees stung again late this afternoon and acquired Crazy Carl Everett, Mike McDougal and Jose Conteras from the Creepers in exchange for Daniel Cabrera and Francisco Cordero and the Bees 2nd pick in the 5th round.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Creepers Raise White Flag
AP (Inside the Beltway) - Bucko fans have some new faces to cheer for as the Creepers raised the white flag and sent Clement/Rivera/Boone/Byrd/Rowand
to the Buckos, in exchange for Roberts/Ryan/Contreras/Crede/Winn/4th Supp./5th Supp.
to the Buckos, in exchange for Roberts/Ryan/Contreras/Crede/Winn/4th Supp./5th Supp.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Bees Acquire Radke
Breaking news out of Baltimore as the Bees just announced a trade that’s sending John Lackey on the heels of a 10K performance to Park Avenue in exchange for Brad Radke. “This goes a long way to addressing our whip problem," GM Wolfe was quoted as saying.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Contenders - 2005
Before all of you get your skirts twisted about the delay, remember this: the following players have been traded since opening day;
Big Unit, Schilling, Harden, Greinke, Colon, Dotel, WMiller, ARod, Manny, Ortiz, VWells, Jeter, Pudge, Morneau, Hidalgo, Sosa, Mench, Finley, Rowand, Swisher, and Crisp(2x).
This means two things; (1) we might be in the midst of the most wide open, the most competitive CARP season ever, and, (2) if the Contenders had come out in mid April before these trades, they would have been useless. Now things have settled down. This is a three (really two) team race and there is still roughly 60% of the season to be played. Only the Man knows who is going to win, and that’s why you wait and bitch and moan. With all apologies to the Hogs, (and none to the Buckos) the Man presents the Contenders, version 2005.
The Durham Warthogs. Predicted finish 4th. Current standings 7th, 37.5pts
What went right?
In summary, not a whole lot. Way back in the Bayou, the Hogs looked like contenders. The pitching looked strong and the offense was good enough to keep them in contention all summer. Bonderman is having his breakout year. The Hogs would not part with the future ace all winter and their patience has been rewarded. On pace for 20w and 170k he’s still not the ace of the staff. That belongs to Garcia. The Man predicted a big falloff for Garcia. Pitching in the AL launching pad that is New Comisky, the Man thought Garcia would revert to his old 4.30/1.40 days when green goo used to leak from his ears. Instead, Garcia is at 3.29/1.11 and teamed with Colon 3.10/1.18 provided a lethal 1-2 Hog punch. Throw in Wake 3.94/1.40 and Chen 3.54/1.24 with a combined 13wins at the break and its clear the Hogs knew what they were doing at the draft.
Manny underperformed in avg., .256, but the power was there 11hr, 43rbi in 203abs. Belliard reupped with Satan (8hr, 35r), Anderson might have been the Hogs best hitter before the trade, .314 49rbi, Mora’s heading to the ASG 14hr, 44rbi and Molina has quietly put up very good numbers .310 6hr, for the fattest man in pro ball.
What went wrong?
Well, the rest of the offense didn’t show up. The Hogs spent $39 for Renteria and Kendall. While it bought them 12sb, it only brought 6hr and 47rbi combined. Kendall not only had zero hr, he also couldn’t hit on the junior circuit (.253?). Rent has had a ok season, but $29? He needs to put up better numbers than .277 and 30rbi hitting 2nd for the best offense in the AL. Some of the other failures were predictable. Bernaby has been gimping around CF all summer and has a giant fork stuck in his back (.254, 3hr), Payton is nothing more than a 4th OF, Pena was sent to the minors after posting .181 in 127ab and Durazo has suffered from an unknown injury that has him out indefinitely.
If the Hogs are looking for somebody to blame, the Man suggests giving Mr. Pinerio a call. What happened to this guy? 2yrs ago he looked like one of the top 5-6 SP in the AL? Is he hurt? Is Schwolfie gay? 5.79/1.52, 48k in 87ip? Maybe he and Takatsu have started their own porn website; Naughtycrappypitchers.com. Do you really think some Japanese import who throws 56mph is going to be your closer? Neither do the Chisox. 5.32/1.52 8svs, Ozzie Guillen just threw up in Ken Williams mouth.
Overall Management grade: B
(Note: grade is based on supp. picks and trades made since the draft and are evaluated on both long/short term success)
Trade #1: Colon(34), Manny(50) for Ortiz(3) and AMiler. Grade A
GM Haskell made the deal in early June. Seeing the writing on the Wall he moved his two studs for a stud and potential ace. Even if Miller never pans out, getting a $6 Ortiz for 06 is a move that might haunt the Pirates for years to come.
Trade #2: Anderson (27), Kendall (10) & Rivas for Stewart (8), Lopez (15) & Danks. Grade B+. Getting more than a six pack for Kendall is a coup. Anderson could have been kept for $34 next year, but getting Danks and Stewart and saving the $25 is a nice move.
Supp. Picks:
JD Martin
WYoung
Fossum Grade: D+
Nothing exciting. Interesting to see who weighs more next year, Molina or Young. Would have been a C, but have to factor in an F for releasing Diamond in the first supp. Guess the Hogs needed Rivas on the roster for that trade?
The Brighton Creepers, Predicted Finish 3rd, Currently tied for 2nd with 49pts.
What went right?
Once again, its all about starting pitching with the Creepers. Halladay (12w 2.33/.935 104k) and Santana (7w 3.74/1.00 140k) have established themselves as the best 2 in the AL. But the depth is the reason the Creepers rank 1st or 2nd in every SP category. Both for big bucks and on the cheap, GM Griffiths was the class of the draft with SP’s. Clement was cheaper than the Unit, Pavano and Mussina but has put up the best numbers by far 9w 3.82/1.28 88k. Garland(3.23/1.12)/Mays(3.84/.133)/Byrd(3.28/1.09) combined for 23wins before Garland was shipped to the Money. Not only are the Creepers leading the SP categories, they are running away with most of them. Right now the staff is on pace for 140wins with a 3.80/1.20 and 1200k. Numbers that may end up ranking the 05 Creepers as the best staff ever in CARP.
Texeira has delivered on his potential and looks like the MVP of the AL (22hr/64/60 328ab). Jeter leads the league in runs (63 as I write this) , Crawford may not steal 60 (he’s on pace for 50) but he’s also looking to reach career highs in rbis and runs. Crazy Carl still doesn’t believe in dinosaurs or “being gay” but something has revived his career in Chi-town. While he might lose some abs to the Big Skirt, it’ll be tough to bench a guy who has 12hr and 49rbi. Alas, not all is good in Creepertown.
What went wrong?
O’ offense, why hast thou forsaken me? The collapse of the once mighty Creeper offense has its seeds at the draft. Drafting Womack/Giambi is a lot like Catholic family planning, just close your eyes and pray. The Creepers quickly soured on both and shipped them off after only 50abs. However, they also gave up on former MVP VWells a little too soon. While Wells way hitting an anemic .214 with 5hr, he has since caught fire with the Money, too late to help the Creepers. Buck and Hall (even after a strong start) have to be considered disappointments. Neither have even 20rbi and Buck’s avg. has hovered around the Mendoza line all year (.224). Could somebody explain to Huff what a contract year is? .255 6hr (obligatory vomit joke).
Now the Man is always a fan of the GM who has the balls to make a trade, shake things up, go for the gusto, (insert favorite cliché here). But too often the Creepers made deals out of desperation this season that ended up blowing up in their face. Once again the Creepers had to scramble for a closer to complement Rivera and the team suffered as a result. To this point the Dotel/Percival monster has yielded 2svs and 12er in only 9.7ip. Ouch, that’s like taking a bubble bath with the Barracuda.
Overall Management Grade: C+
Trade #1: Giambi(11) & Womack(1) for Rowand (3) & Ginter. Grade: A
Again, getting anything for those two stiffs is a plus. Creepers get extra credit for realizing back in April that they sucked more than a NO lap dance. Rowand has underperformed but .293 38runs 10sb in 256abs ain’t bad.
Trade #2: Crisp (2), ESantana & Bautista for Dotel(26), Adams and Sleeth. Grade: F
Griffiths doesn’t need a boot bucket for this trade, he needs a boot bucket brigade, a whole team of handlers hauling away the vomit as it spews from his mouth and nose simultaneously. Santana slots into the LA rotation next year and Crisp has been steady. Dotel blew back to back saves with walk-off HRs, and then demanded to have TJ surgery. Sleeth is out for the year with TJ and Adams is batting .235.
Trade #3: Wells(10), Ginter, HRamirez & Kinsler for Sosa(34), El Puque(3), Tino and Ledezma. Grade: G, as in less than an F.
Not sure what happened here. Is it worse that the Creepers moved an MVP and two good prospects for 3 35yr olds or that at the time the best of the old guys was Tino? As a public service, I won’t print Wells stats since the trade. But for fun Tino is .127 1hr 5rbi and El Puque had 2wins to go with his 7.56/1.56. Mmmm, that’s good eating.
Trade #4: Garland(3) for Percival(26)
The last gasp of a desperate GM? After the Dotel disaster, Griffiths needed a closer. I don’t know if Perciaval qualifies, but the Man is not a believer in Garland. In the long run this might be a wash for both teams. Grade: NA
Trade #5: Jeter(45), Ledezma & Synder for Berroa, Verlander, Barton, 2picks (including a #1), a bag of dope, a case of beer, and the rights to the Pirates first born son. Grade: A
It’s a white flag trade, but what a white flag it was. The Creepers give a stud SS but get back 2 stud prospects and 2 picks and a SS? (More on this in the Pirate summary). GM Hirsch should call the rape crisis center immediately. As bad as this trade looks now in a year it will be a full blown catastrophe for the Pirates.
Supp. picks:
ASanchez
Papelbon
FCabrera Grade: B
Sanchez dominated A ball and was just promoted to AA. Has ace potential. Both Papelbon and Cabrera are solid prospects.
With due respect to the Creepers (and to a lesser extent the Buckos), CARP 05 has evolved into a two horse race between the Pirates and the Bees (still the worst name in recent CARP history). Its young v. old, Clubber Lang v. Rocky, paper v. plastic, beer v. wine, U.S.A. v. U.S.S.R. Gentlemen, the Contenders:
The Baltimore Bees; Current standing, Tied for 2nd, 49pts.
What went right?
The Bees have become the Yankees of CARP, without all the world titles. GM Wolfe will pay whatever he has to, trade whoever he wants and try to rape and pillage his way to the CARP Cup. The results thus far; decidedly mixed.
The Bees have the best offense in CARP. ARod and Sexson have already combined for 36hr and 120rbi. DYoung has slumped ever since his opening day 3hr barrage, but 13hr for your CI is nothing to sneeze at. Tejada continues to lay claim to the best SS in the AL since ARod went to third. He’s on pace to match ARod’s numbers, scary. While the steals are down (8), Damon continues to have a career year hitting .341 and scoring 60. Those are the big names, the ones you almost expect to put up the numbers. But the Bees have guys who normally suck, guys you wouldn’t take in the taxi, having not only good but great years. Things like that win you the Cup. Things like Kennedy (.347 23runs 7sb 176ab) and a freakin 3b playing catcher (.294 35 rbi 46runs).
The bullpen doesn’t get the headlines, but they get the job done. Both Wickman and Cordero have 19svs. Robertson (3.87) and Lackey (3.77 86k) have been remarkably consistent for the average SPs that they are, and Drese has discovered how to pitch again in the NL.
What went wrong?
Injuries. Unit, Schilling, Lopez, Affeldt. All key players that have missed time with various injuries. On paper this is the best team in CARP. Of course the 03 Brewers will be happy to have you over to the house to look at the trophy they got for “best team on paper”. Really, the problem is pitching. With Schilling/Unit how can a team be this bad? Well, b/c Cabrera sucks. He has always sucked. The Man said he sucked last year, look at his BB/K. You can’t be a major league pitcher and have a ratio of 45/85. That just leads to 5.07/1.40. Yeah the Ks are nice but the Bees have 3pts total in era/whip. Maybe some of this is Bee management, maybe some of it is bad luck, but look at Drese’s stats: Act. 7.20/1.86 Resv. 2.02/.925? Seriously I’m not making that up.
Has the wheeling and dealing stopped? Do the Bees have the horses to overtake the Pirates who have built a slim 8pt lead? That may be up to management. Does Wolfe, the wiley veteran have what it takes to bring the Cup to Charm City for the first time and Wolfe’s second title since the infamous Tampa Wyndam Plaza deal of 2001? Let’s look at his track record.
Overall management Grade: C
Trade #1: Morneau(6), Bartlett(1) & Crain(5) for ARod (63), Shields(1) and Papelbon. Grade: A-
The Bees were first out of the trade box, pulling the deal for ARod on April 12, less than one week into the season. ARod has been the stud he wasn’t in 04. Morneau has quietly underperformed since the trade. Strangely enough the worst part may have been Crain for Shields as Crain now has 8 wins!
Trade #2: Rowand and Ginter for Giambi and Womack. Grade: D
See above. Giambi hit 2 HRs today, to double his season total with the Bees, nuff said.
Trade #3: Harden(8), Greinke (3), Mench(6) & McGowen and a pick for Unit(72!), Schilling(53), Finley(22), White(1) and Gonzo(1). Grade: D+
The blockbuster that quickly fizzled. Schilling and Harden went on the DL almost simultaneously. The Unit had not been the Unit (4.35/1.35 60k 72ip) and Greinke just sucks giant man meat (1w, 7.00era). Gonzo and Finley are both on the DL and while White has been steady (.293 5hr), Mench is on a 40hr pace for the Brewers since the trade. Not good times for the Bees.
Trade #4: Stewart, Lopez & Danks for Anderson, Kendall and Rivas. Grade: B-
Anderson is certainly an upgrade over Stewart and I guess that anything is better than taking a doughnut at C. By the end of the season this trade could be an A or a D, just too early to tell.
Supp. picks.
Sisco
Logan
Hollins
Grade: C
Logan has provided 14sb. Sisco would be better off not playing (6.00/2.44) and Hollins is just a waste of a pick (.226 1hr). Seriously, if you can’t think of somebody to take, give the Man a call, I’m more than happy to take your pick.
The Chelsea Pirates, Current standing 1st, 57pts.
The new kid on the block, well “new” like the retarded 16yr old kid who transferred to your jr. high growing up. The Pirates stand in first at the halfway point. They have shown no fear to bring in big name high priced talent. Is it enough?
What went right?
Quietly, GM Hirsch has put together the most balanced team in the league. The Pirates are first in only 1 category (SB), but they are not lower that 4th in six others. The C’s rank as the best in the league. Tek leads all at the pos. with 13hr and AJ “aka the Prick” has almost matched the all-star’s totals (11hr 31rbi). Until the break up, Ortizzle and Blalock made a cute couple at the corner. 28hr and 96rbi will do that. It should be noted that with the exception of recent import Manny and Tek, not a single Pirate will be at the ASG. Not good if you want that case of beer, but look closely and you see that the Pirate engine is oiled with the greasy sweat of such comeback kids as Dye (17hr), Hunter (14hr 51rbi 51r 19sb) and Thirsty (.287 50r).
The pitching staff is equally surprising. Sure the Buehrle might get the ASG start (10w 2.58/1.10) but the rest will be at home with Hirsch watching the game on tv. Like the Pirate OF, the SP is the return of the living dead in full Technicolor. Jason Johnson? (2.88/1.19) Zito (4.07/1.24 79k) and the Moose (8w 4.06/130 75k)? Who hooked these guys up to the juvenation machine? (Sounds like a bad seventies cop show; Johnson, Zito and the Moose. They should ride around the country in an RV solving crimes, not pitching the Pirates to the pennant.) Never mind the fact that the studs FRod (15svs 2.43) and Colon (2.97/.96) have been exactly as advertised. When your worst pitcher is Lilly (and Hirsch has some Schwoflie issues here; Act. 7.03/1.625 Resv. 1.59/1.235) then you are poised to make a serious run at the Cup.
Overall management grade: C-
Trade #1: Swisher(3), Miller(9) & BAnderson for Hidalgo(26), Crisp(2). Grade: D
Patience is a virtue, however it don’t make you smart. Waiting until Memorial day to pull the trigger didn’t help. Hidalgo (.186 3hr 6rbi) has been a disaster. Crisp is fine and Miller had regressed, but Swisher now looks like the best player in the deal.
Trade #2: Ortiz(3) & AMiller for Colon(34) & Manny(50). Grade: A
The Man didn’t like it at first but Colon has been huge and Manny has outproduced Ortiz 9/27 to 6/22. Gutsy trade.
Trade #3: Berroa(4), Verlander & Barton & 2picks for Jeter(45), Synder & Ledezma. Grade: D
The Man no rikey. Does Hirsch know he has a bench player hitting .283 8/27/28? I know Berroa sucks and Hell, Jeter is damn good, but your two best prospects PLUS 2 picks to rent Jeter when you have Peralta on the bench? Not a good sign.
Supp. Picks
Gomes
Verlander
Snelling
Grade: B+ (would have been A- but the Verlander trade knocks it down a third)
So, given the Man’s uncanny ability to predict the winner, who takes home the Cup in 05? Is it the gay Bees of Baltimore town, led by the aging veterans or the gay Pirates of the Bowery with their subtle blend of pitching and power. The Man sees an ending not unlike the Classic Rocky II. You know, in cheesy slow-motion both Rocky and Apollo Creed connect, simultaneously, with right crosses to the jaw, knocking each to the canvas. First one to their feet takes the title. Every stat and every objective analysis point to the Pirates. They have a lead, the pitching and the depth to take the whole thing. But something in my gut says this is the Bee’s year. Something says that the Big Unit, and Schill come back strong and push the bastard Bees over the top in late September. That’s what the Man says. But hey, I have been wrong. I just wouldn’t bet on it.
Big Unit, Schilling, Harden, Greinke, Colon, Dotel, WMiller, ARod, Manny, Ortiz, VWells, Jeter, Pudge, Morneau, Hidalgo, Sosa, Mench, Finley, Rowand, Swisher, and Crisp(2x).
This means two things; (1) we might be in the midst of the most wide open, the most competitive CARP season ever, and, (2) if the Contenders had come out in mid April before these trades, they would have been useless. Now things have settled down. This is a three (really two) team race and there is still roughly 60% of the season to be played. Only the Man knows who is going to win, and that’s why you wait and bitch and moan. With all apologies to the Hogs, (and none to the Buckos) the Man presents the Contenders, version 2005.
The Durham Warthogs. Predicted finish 4th. Current standings 7th, 37.5pts
What went right?
In summary, not a whole lot. Way back in the Bayou, the Hogs looked like contenders. The pitching looked strong and the offense was good enough to keep them in contention all summer. Bonderman is having his breakout year. The Hogs would not part with the future ace all winter and their patience has been rewarded. On pace for 20w and 170k he’s still not the ace of the staff. That belongs to Garcia. The Man predicted a big falloff for Garcia. Pitching in the AL launching pad that is New Comisky, the Man thought Garcia would revert to his old 4.30/1.40 days when green goo used to leak from his ears. Instead, Garcia is at 3.29/1.11 and teamed with Colon 3.10/1.18 provided a lethal 1-2 Hog punch. Throw in Wake 3.94/1.40 and Chen 3.54/1.24 with a combined 13wins at the break and its clear the Hogs knew what they were doing at the draft.
Manny underperformed in avg., .256, but the power was there 11hr, 43rbi in 203abs. Belliard reupped with Satan (8hr, 35r), Anderson might have been the Hogs best hitter before the trade, .314 49rbi, Mora’s heading to the ASG 14hr, 44rbi and Molina has quietly put up very good numbers .310 6hr, for the fattest man in pro ball.
What went wrong?
Well, the rest of the offense didn’t show up. The Hogs spent $39 for Renteria and Kendall. While it bought them 12sb, it only brought 6hr and 47rbi combined. Kendall not only had zero hr, he also couldn’t hit on the junior circuit (.253?). Rent has had a ok season, but $29? He needs to put up better numbers than .277 and 30rbi hitting 2nd for the best offense in the AL. Some of the other failures were predictable. Bernaby has been gimping around CF all summer and has a giant fork stuck in his back (.254, 3hr), Payton is nothing more than a 4th OF, Pena was sent to the minors after posting .181 in 127ab and Durazo has suffered from an unknown injury that has him out indefinitely.
If the Hogs are looking for somebody to blame, the Man suggests giving Mr. Pinerio a call. What happened to this guy? 2yrs ago he looked like one of the top 5-6 SP in the AL? Is he hurt? Is Schwolfie gay? 5.79/1.52, 48k in 87ip? Maybe he and Takatsu have started their own porn website; Naughtycrappypitchers.com. Do you really think some Japanese import who throws 56mph is going to be your closer? Neither do the Chisox. 5.32/1.52 8svs, Ozzie Guillen just threw up in Ken Williams mouth.
Overall Management grade: B
(Note: grade is based on supp. picks and trades made since the draft and are evaluated on both long/short term success)
Trade #1: Colon(34), Manny(50) for Ortiz(3) and AMiler. Grade A
GM Haskell made the deal in early June. Seeing the writing on the Wall he moved his two studs for a stud and potential ace. Even if Miller never pans out, getting a $6 Ortiz for 06 is a move that might haunt the Pirates for years to come.
Trade #2: Anderson (27), Kendall (10) & Rivas for Stewart (8), Lopez (15) & Danks. Grade B+. Getting more than a six pack for Kendall is a coup. Anderson could have been kept for $34 next year, but getting Danks and Stewart and saving the $25 is a nice move.
Supp. Picks:
JD Martin
WYoung
Fossum Grade: D+
Nothing exciting. Interesting to see who weighs more next year, Molina or Young. Would have been a C, but have to factor in an F for releasing Diamond in the first supp. Guess the Hogs needed Rivas on the roster for that trade?
The Brighton Creepers, Predicted Finish 3rd, Currently tied for 2nd with 49pts.
What went right?
Once again, its all about starting pitching with the Creepers. Halladay (12w 2.33/.935 104k) and Santana (7w 3.74/1.00 140k) have established themselves as the best 2 in the AL. But the depth is the reason the Creepers rank 1st or 2nd in every SP category. Both for big bucks and on the cheap, GM Griffiths was the class of the draft with SP’s. Clement was cheaper than the Unit, Pavano and Mussina but has put up the best numbers by far 9w 3.82/1.28 88k. Garland(3.23/1.12)/Mays(3.84/.133)/Byrd(3.28/1.09) combined for 23wins before Garland was shipped to the Money. Not only are the Creepers leading the SP categories, they are running away with most of them. Right now the staff is on pace for 140wins with a 3.80/1.20 and 1200k. Numbers that may end up ranking the 05 Creepers as the best staff ever in CARP.
Texeira has delivered on his potential and looks like the MVP of the AL (22hr/64/60 328ab). Jeter leads the league in runs (63 as I write this) , Crawford may not steal 60 (he’s on pace for 50) but he’s also looking to reach career highs in rbis and runs. Crazy Carl still doesn’t believe in dinosaurs or “being gay” but something has revived his career in Chi-town. While he might lose some abs to the Big Skirt, it’ll be tough to bench a guy who has 12hr and 49rbi. Alas, not all is good in Creepertown.
What went wrong?
O’ offense, why hast thou forsaken me? The collapse of the once mighty Creeper offense has its seeds at the draft. Drafting Womack/Giambi is a lot like Catholic family planning, just close your eyes and pray. The Creepers quickly soured on both and shipped them off after only 50abs. However, they also gave up on former MVP VWells a little too soon. While Wells way hitting an anemic .214 with 5hr, he has since caught fire with the Money, too late to help the Creepers. Buck and Hall (even after a strong start) have to be considered disappointments. Neither have even 20rbi and Buck’s avg. has hovered around the Mendoza line all year (.224). Could somebody explain to Huff what a contract year is? .255 6hr (obligatory vomit joke).
Now the Man is always a fan of the GM who has the balls to make a trade, shake things up, go for the gusto, (insert favorite cliché here). But too often the Creepers made deals out of desperation this season that ended up blowing up in their face. Once again the Creepers had to scramble for a closer to complement Rivera and the team suffered as a result. To this point the Dotel/Percival monster has yielded 2svs and 12er in only 9.7ip. Ouch, that’s like taking a bubble bath with the Barracuda.
Overall Management Grade: C+
Trade #1: Giambi(11) & Womack(1) for Rowand (3) & Ginter. Grade: A
Again, getting anything for those two stiffs is a plus. Creepers get extra credit for realizing back in April that they sucked more than a NO lap dance. Rowand has underperformed but .293 38runs 10sb in 256abs ain’t bad.
Trade #2: Crisp (2), ESantana & Bautista for Dotel(26), Adams and Sleeth. Grade: F
Griffiths doesn’t need a boot bucket for this trade, he needs a boot bucket brigade, a whole team of handlers hauling away the vomit as it spews from his mouth and nose simultaneously. Santana slots into the LA rotation next year and Crisp has been steady. Dotel blew back to back saves with walk-off HRs, and then demanded to have TJ surgery. Sleeth is out for the year with TJ and Adams is batting .235.
Trade #3: Wells(10), Ginter, HRamirez & Kinsler for Sosa(34), El Puque(3), Tino and Ledezma. Grade: G, as in less than an F.
Not sure what happened here. Is it worse that the Creepers moved an MVP and two good prospects for 3 35yr olds or that at the time the best of the old guys was Tino? As a public service, I won’t print Wells stats since the trade. But for fun Tino is .127 1hr 5rbi and El Puque had 2wins to go with his 7.56/1.56. Mmmm, that’s good eating.
Trade #4: Garland(3) for Percival(26)
The last gasp of a desperate GM? After the Dotel disaster, Griffiths needed a closer. I don’t know if Perciaval qualifies, but the Man is not a believer in Garland. In the long run this might be a wash for both teams. Grade: NA
Trade #5: Jeter(45), Ledezma & Synder for Berroa, Verlander, Barton, 2picks (including a #1), a bag of dope, a case of beer, and the rights to the Pirates first born son. Grade: A
It’s a white flag trade, but what a white flag it was. The Creepers give a stud SS but get back 2 stud prospects and 2 picks and a SS? (More on this in the Pirate summary). GM Hirsch should call the rape crisis center immediately. As bad as this trade looks now in a year it will be a full blown catastrophe for the Pirates.
Supp. picks:
ASanchez
Papelbon
FCabrera Grade: B
Sanchez dominated A ball and was just promoted to AA. Has ace potential. Both Papelbon and Cabrera are solid prospects.
With due respect to the Creepers (and to a lesser extent the Buckos), CARP 05 has evolved into a two horse race between the Pirates and the Bees (still the worst name in recent CARP history). Its young v. old, Clubber Lang v. Rocky, paper v. plastic, beer v. wine, U.S.A. v. U.S.S.R. Gentlemen, the Contenders:
The Baltimore Bees; Current standing, Tied for 2nd, 49pts.
What went right?
The Bees have become the Yankees of CARP, without all the world titles. GM Wolfe will pay whatever he has to, trade whoever he wants and try to rape and pillage his way to the CARP Cup. The results thus far; decidedly mixed.
The Bees have the best offense in CARP. ARod and Sexson have already combined for 36hr and 120rbi. DYoung has slumped ever since his opening day 3hr barrage, but 13hr for your CI is nothing to sneeze at. Tejada continues to lay claim to the best SS in the AL since ARod went to third. He’s on pace to match ARod’s numbers, scary. While the steals are down (8), Damon continues to have a career year hitting .341 and scoring 60. Those are the big names, the ones you almost expect to put up the numbers. But the Bees have guys who normally suck, guys you wouldn’t take in the taxi, having not only good but great years. Things like that win you the Cup. Things like Kennedy (.347 23runs 7sb 176ab) and a freakin 3b playing catcher (.294 35 rbi 46runs).
The bullpen doesn’t get the headlines, but they get the job done. Both Wickman and Cordero have 19svs. Robertson (3.87) and Lackey (3.77 86k) have been remarkably consistent for the average SPs that they are, and Drese has discovered how to pitch again in the NL.
What went wrong?
Injuries. Unit, Schilling, Lopez, Affeldt. All key players that have missed time with various injuries. On paper this is the best team in CARP. Of course the 03 Brewers will be happy to have you over to the house to look at the trophy they got for “best team on paper”. Really, the problem is pitching. With Schilling/Unit how can a team be this bad? Well, b/c Cabrera sucks. He has always sucked. The Man said he sucked last year, look at his BB/K. You can’t be a major league pitcher and have a ratio of 45/85. That just leads to 5.07/1.40. Yeah the Ks are nice but the Bees have 3pts total in era/whip. Maybe some of this is Bee management, maybe some of it is bad luck, but look at Drese’s stats: Act. 7.20/1.86 Resv. 2.02/.925? Seriously I’m not making that up.
Has the wheeling and dealing stopped? Do the Bees have the horses to overtake the Pirates who have built a slim 8pt lead? That may be up to management. Does Wolfe, the wiley veteran have what it takes to bring the Cup to Charm City for the first time and Wolfe’s second title since the infamous Tampa Wyndam Plaza deal of 2001? Let’s look at his track record.
Overall management Grade: C
Trade #1: Morneau(6), Bartlett(1) & Crain(5) for ARod (63), Shields(1) and Papelbon. Grade: A-
The Bees were first out of the trade box, pulling the deal for ARod on April 12, less than one week into the season. ARod has been the stud he wasn’t in 04. Morneau has quietly underperformed since the trade. Strangely enough the worst part may have been Crain for Shields as Crain now has 8 wins!
Trade #2: Rowand and Ginter for Giambi and Womack. Grade: D
See above. Giambi hit 2 HRs today, to double his season total with the Bees, nuff said.
Trade #3: Harden(8), Greinke (3), Mench(6) & McGowen and a pick for Unit(72!), Schilling(53), Finley(22), White(1) and Gonzo(1). Grade: D+
The blockbuster that quickly fizzled. Schilling and Harden went on the DL almost simultaneously. The Unit had not been the Unit (4.35/1.35 60k 72ip) and Greinke just sucks giant man meat (1w, 7.00era). Gonzo and Finley are both on the DL and while White has been steady (.293 5hr), Mench is on a 40hr pace for the Brewers since the trade. Not good times for the Bees.
Trade #4: Stewart, Lopez & Danks for Anderson, Kendall and Rivas. Grade: B-
Anderson is certainly an upgrade over Stewart and I guess that anything is better than taking a doughnut at C. By the end of the season this trade could be an A or a D, just too early to tell.
Supp. picks.
Sisco
Logan
Hollins
Grade: C
Logan has provided 14sb. Sisco would be better off not playing (6.00/2.44) and Hollins is just a waste of a pick (.226 1hr). Seriously, if you can’t think of somebody to take, give the Man a call, I’m more than happy to take your pick.
The Chelsea Pirates, Current standing 1st, 57pts.
The new kid on the block, well “new” like the retarded 16yr old kid who transferred to your jr. high growing up. The Pirates stand in first at the halfway point. They have shown no fear to bring in big name high priced talent. Is it enough?
What went right?
Quietly, GM Hirsch has put together the most balanced team in the league. The Pirates are first in only 1 category (SB), but they are not lower that 4th in six others. The C’s rank as the best in the league. Tek leads all at the pos. with 13hr and AJ “aka the Prick” has almost matched the all-star’s totals (11hr 31rbi). Until the break up, Ortizzle and Blalock made a cute couple at the corner. 28hr and 96rbi will do that. It should be noted that with the exception of recent import Manny and Tek, not a single Pirate will be at the ASG. Not good if you want that case of beer, but look closely and you see that the Pirate engine is oiled with the greasy sweat of such comeback kids as Dye (17hr), Hunter (14hr 51rbi 51r 19sb) and Thirsty (.287 50r).
The pitching staff is equally surprising. Sure the Buehrle might get the ASG start (10w 2.58/1.10) but the rest will be at home with Hirsch watching the game on tv. Like the Pirate OF, the SP is the return of the living dead in full Technicolor. Jason Johnson? (2.88/1.19) Zito (4.07/1.24 79k) and the Moose (8w 4.06/130 75k)? Who hooked these guys up to the juvenation machine? (Sounds like a bad seventies cop show; Johnson, Zito and the Moose. They should ride around the country in an RV solving crimes, not pitching the Pirates to the pennant.) Never mind the fact that the studs FRod (15svs 2.43) and Colon (2.97/.96) have been exactly as advertised. When your worst pitcher is Lilly (and Hirsch has some Schwoflie issues here; Act. 7.03/1.625 Resv. 1.59/1.235) then you are poised to make a serious run at the Cup.
Overall management grade: C-
Trade #1: Swisher(3), Miller(9) & BAnderson for Hidalgo(26), Crisp(2). Grade: D
Patience is a virtue, however it don’t make you smart. Waiting until Memorial day to pull the trigger didn’t help. Hidalgo (.186 3hr 6rbi) has been a disaster. Crisp is fine and Miller had regressed, but Swisher now looks like the best player in the deal.
Trade #2: Ortiz(3) & AMiller for Colon(34) & Manny(50). Grade: A
The Man didn’t like it at first but Colon has been huge and Manny has outproduced Ortiz 9/27 to 6/22. Gutsy trade.
Trade #3: Berroa(4), Verlander & Barton & 2picks for Jeter(45), Synder & Ledezma. Grade: D
The Man no rikey. Does Hirsch know he has a bench player hitting .283 8/27/28? I know Berroa sucks and Hell, Jeter is damn good, but your two best prospects PLUS 2 picks to rent Jeter when you have Peralta on the bench? Not a good sign.
Supp. Picks
Gomes
Verlander
Snelling
Grade: B+ (would have been A- but the Verlander trade knocks it down a third)
So, given the Man’s uncanny ability to predict the winner, who takes home the Cup in 05? Is it the gay Bees of Baltimore town, led by the aging veterans or the gay Pirates of the Bowery with their subtle blend of pitching and power. The Man sees an ending not unlike the Classic Rocky II. You know, in cheesy slow-motion both Rocky and Apollo Creed connect, simultaneously, with right crosses to the jaw, knocking each to the canvas. First one to their feet takes the title. Every stat and every objective analysis point to the Pirates. They have a lead, the pitching and the depth to take the whole thing. But something in my gut says this is the Bee’s year. Something says that the Big Unit, and Schill come back strong and push the bastard Bees over the top in late September. That’s what the Man says. But hey, I have been wrong. I just wouldn’t bet on it.
Third Supplemental Draft Results - 2005
1. Creepers (from Pirates)--Liriano, SP Min--release K Sleeth
2. Hogs--Sinisi, OF Tex--release Cuddyer
3. Steaks -- Chris Shelton, 1B Det -- release Chan Ho Park
4. Brewers--Wood, SS LAA-release Stairs
5. Buckos--Cruz, SP Oak--release Garcia
6. Creepers--MacDougle, RP KC--release Dotel
7. Bees--Carrasco, SP KC--release JuanGone
8. Pirates--Ray, RP Bal--release Hendrickson
2. Hogs--Sinisi, OF Tex--release Cuddyer
3. Steaks -- Chris Shelton, 1B Det -- release Chan Ho Park
4. Brewers--Wood, SS LAA-release Stairs
5. Buckos--Cruz, SP Oak--release Garcia
6. Creepers--MacDougle, RP KC--release Dotel
7. Bees--Carrasco, SP KC--release JuanGone
8. Pirates--Ray, RP Bal--release Hendrickson
Friday, July 01, 2005
The Boys In Chelsea...
are putting on their extra-tight doinks. And you can hear the chants all the way to the Bronx... DEREK JETER, DEREK JETER...
Pirates management is proud to annouce the addition of Derek Jeter to its lineup. The Pirates acquire Derek Jeter, Wil Ledezma and Brad Snyder in exchange for Angel Berroa, Justin Verlander, Daric Barton, the Park City Money's pick in Third Supplemental Draft, and the Pirates ginal pick in the Fifth Supplemental Draft. When asked about the deal, Pirates management was quoted as saying "who the fuck is wil ledezma?"
The remaining owners wonder, "Have the Creepers thrown in the towel?". Stay tuned....
Pirates management is proud to annouce the addition of Derek Jeter to its lineup. The Pirates acquire Derek Jeter, Wil Ledezma and Brad Snyder in exchange for Angel Berroa, Justin Verlander, Daric Barton, the Park City Money's pick in Third Supplemental Draft, and the Pirates ginal pick in the Fifth Supplemental Draft. When asked about the deal, Pirates management was quoted as saying "who the fuck is wil ledezma?"
The remaining owners wonder, "Have the Creepers thrown in the towel?". Stay tuned....
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Buckos Up The Ante
Late Friday, the Beltway Buckos sent error prone minor league prospect BJ Upton, Gerald Laird, Aaron Hill, and Kevin Brown to the Capitol City Brewers for Ivan Rodriguez, Jose Contreras, Shea Hillenbrand, and Juan Rincon.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Bees Reacquire Garrett Anderson
Today the Baltimore Bees reacquired Garrett Anderson as part of trade with the Warthogs in which the Bees also acquiree Jason Kendall and Luis Rivas for Javy Lopez, Shannon Stewart and John Danks. "I love Garrett Anderson. As good as Stewart has been, Anderson is an MVP. We couldn't wait for Javy to get healthy. Kendall is a .300 hitter and we're looking for some big #s from him. Rivas is good insurance now that Womack doesn't have a job. I hope this doesn’t set the Contenders back another 2 months."
Monday, June 13, 2005
Creepers Add Second Closer, Again
Reconstructive Elbow Surgery is never good. However, Octavio Dotel's "Tommy John'' surgery was so successful, the reliever said, that renowned arm specialist Dr. James Andrews told him that he probably will be able to pitch in the majors on Opening Day 2006, easily six to 12 months sooner than projected. That's far too long for the Cup Crazy Creepers. And thus the Creepers were forced to send Ace pitcher Jon Garland to Money for Ace bandage Troy percival. GM Griffiths reflects "I feel like a retarded child who won't stop touching the orange stove burner"
Friday, June 03, 2005
Congrats To The Bees
The Pirates wish to congratulate the Bees for taking over the lead in the race to the cup. But it will be shortlived. The Pirates and Hogs have reached a deal swapping super studs
Ortizzle and Adam Miller for Manny Ramirez and Bartolo Colon.
Ortizzle and Adam Miller for Manny Ramirez and Bartolo Colon.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Second Supplemental Draft Results - 2005
Money--Zumaya SP, Det/Quiroz C, Tor
Steaks--Cano 2b, NYA/DaVanon OF, Ana
Brewers--Geut OF, Cle/Lima P, KC
Hogs--Fossum SP,TB/Harvey 1b, KC
Pirates--Snelling OF, Sea/No Release
Creepers--Cabrera RP, Cle/Fields 3b, CHA
Bees--Hollins OF, TB/Gross OF, Tor
Buckos--Sele SP, Sea/Hernandez SP, KC
Steaks--Cano 2b, NYA/DaVanon OF, Ana
Brewers--Geut OF, Cle/Lima P, KC
Hogs--Fossum SP,TB/Harvey 1b, KC
Pirates--Snelling OF, Sea/No Release
Creepers--Cabrera RP, Cle/Fields 3b, CHA
Bees--Hollins OF, TB/Gross OF, Tor
Buckos--Sele SP, Sea/Hernandez SP, KC
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
TRADE ALERT!!!
The Pirates send Wade Miller, Nick Swisher and Brian Anderson to the Steaks in exchange for Richard "I'm Hot This Week" Hidalgo and Coco "I'm Injured This Week" Crisp. Let the chips fall where they may. Commish, contact me before rosters are updated for the week. [Eds. Note: Steaks release Brazelton]
Monday, May 16, 2005
Creepers Deal Vernon Wells To The Money
Today the Brighton Creepers sent Vernon Wells, Hanley Ramirez, Ian Kinsler & Keith Ginter for Sammy Sosa, Tino Martinez, Orlando Hernandez & Wil Ledezma. The Creepers' offer beat out competing offers from the Pirates and the Bees. This latest trade ups the ante in the hunt for the Cup. "Ervin Santana, Vernon Wels, Hanley Ramirez, Denny Bautista, Coco Crisp, Ian Kinsler, thats a very hard group to see leave the squad. The easy way to look atthis is Sosa and Tino filling in for Wells and a blank. I like El Duque in for Mays then its losing Hanley and Kinsler. Hanley is great. but Upton was great so who knows how its going to go. Denny Bautista and Ervin are also big studs, but they went to the steaks and the Money for a reason. The Creepers play to win." Is anyone else playing to win? The Warthogs, Pirates and Buckos have yet to make their move. The Cheesesteaks are still technically in the hunt, while the Brewers and Money are in full-scale rebuilding mode. Once again, the Creepers are the team to beat.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Pretenders 2005
The Pretenders 2005
Well the grass is greener, the beer is colder and the Celtics are about to start making tees times….it must be time for the Pretenders/Contenders. People bitch every year, “Where are the Pretenders?” “What the hell is taking so long?” “You said I wouldn’t go to jail!” I’m sick of it. Every year I provide a humorous and insightful look into the coming CARP year and what do I ask for in return? Nothing. And does anyone appreciate it? Does anyone say nice job, I enjoyed it, it made me laugh? No its always “Why was my draft grade so low?” “Stop pimping your own prospects for trades”. Well some day I’ll be dead, if we go back to NO for the draft that might be as soon as next year. And then what? I’ll tell you, you’re going to have to read about Wolfie’s crockpot, Al and the fucking Kansas Jayhawks. So start showing me some respect.
Anyway, each year I struggle to come up with some theme for the predictions. Trust me its harder than you think. Will all apologies to Bill Simmons, the 05 Pretenders will be an homage to perhaps the greatest sports movie of all time, Caddyshack. I know its golf, but screw it. Each team will have a quote from the movie which best exemplifies their 05 season.
Remember, don’t like what I say, think I’m full of shit? Each year I invite everyone to keep the Pretenders (actually now Wolfe has posted them) and check back with me in October. I stand by my record, for better or worse. Remember, these picks are for recreational purposes only, please no wagering.
8th Place: The Park Avenue Money, aka The Also-Rans
Judge Smailes: Say, I’m having a little party at the yacht club this Sunday. I christening my new sloop. What are you doing?
Danny: No plans.
Judge: Great! How would you like to mow my lawn?
Keys to success: Well, I guess unlimited patience doesn’t count? While the rest of CARP battles for the cup, the Money are mowing lawns. Its not that bad, but its not good. The OF will be pretty good…in 2006. Seriously, Sosa was a nice grab. I think he bounces back to hit 30hr. Throw in Matsui, or Shemp, as he is affectionately known in my house, and Ford, and the Money have a tri-fecta of 30hr guys. When Baldelli returns some time in the summer, he and Sizemore provide a nice power speed package. My mother taught me not to say anything if you couldn’t say something nice, so I’ll ignore the rest of the hitters. The Money pitching is like a $40 lapdance (commonplace in NOLA), at first you hesitate, but once your upstairs you might as well enjoy the ride. It is devoid of stars, but Radke, Haren, Arroyo and Bedard are solid era and whip guys. Foulke and Percival are higher class talent and come with the respective price tags. Overall, you might leave the Money pen a little light in the wallet, but you’ll have a smile on your face.
Keys to distress: Well the offense is bad, real bad. Bad like cringe bad, bad like last in every category bad. I know the OF doesn’t suck, but Baldelli is on the DL, meaning that Sanchex and Harris start. One’s on roids and the other should get the dealer’s number. The infield has some bright spots, Morneau, Guillen, Mauer, but for each of them there are two Olivos or Teahens. The good news is the Money will have all summer to stock pile first round supplemental picks for that Championship run coming in 2009.
Player to watch: Bedard. The best pitcher most people don’t pay attention to. He’s the ace the O’s by Sept. Look for an era around 4.00 and 12+wins.
Grab a beer when: El Puque. Is he 40? 45? He’s not Clemens or Johnson, that’s for sure. Over/under on DL trips 2, take the over.
Draft Grade: B+. Wow I must have been fucked up at the draft, I don’t remember the Money doing this well. G$ had money to spend and he spent it well. He got a stud for big money ARod, shopped around a bit in the mid-range, Sosa 34, Percival 26, and got a steal with Haren at 12. I even like Phelps and Olivo although, thus far they are disappointing. Its not a A, why? Because the taxi round counts. Tino? Why? Whats the point, especially after you just drafted Dan Johnson. Penn and Street are nice picks but they can’t make up for the Quirozs of this taxi round.
Management grade: C. And that might be generous. You only get a pass for being the new kid for so long. This is the Money’s third year in the league and the progress is incremental. Last with 29pts. Last in four offensive categories. Hey, there have been good moves. Draft and trade of ARod brought Morneau. I think Haren was a steal at $12 and Arroyo and Bedard will soon provide anchors of the rotation. With these building blocks the Money don’t have excuses to be the doormat of the league anymore.
7th Place: The Philadelphia Cheesesteaks, aka The Barracudas
Carl: If you ever wanna rap, you know, just talk or get weird with somebody, you know, buddies for life.
Ty: I’ll drop by and you drop by my place anytime.
Carl: You got a pool over there?
Ty: We have a pond in the back, and a pool. Pond would be good for you.
Keys to Success: Definitely not the name. The Bees have the worst name in the league but Cheesesteaks is a close second. If the Steaks finish last, the Commish reserves the right to rename them the Barracudas. Nice combo of power and speed. Konerko, Matinez and Beltre can mash. Martinez is off to a horrible start (2hr 8rbi) but he’ll finish with the best numbers of any C. Look for 30hr and 120rbi. Same with Beltre. The steals will be there. Ichiro has 8 already, his twin, the Donger (Iguchi) has three and will finish with 20+. Once Rios and Reed get going (4 combined) the Steaks will finish near the top in SB. After that there’s not much. I mean we are talking about the 7th place team. All right, Kazmir, Blanton, Washburn will make a nice 1-3 soon. I’m just not sure if that in 2005.
Keys to Distress: Well if we ever go to war with Japan, the Steaks are in trouble. Plus their pitching kind of sucks. Noting the 3 above, the Steaks have 7 wins from 9 SP thus far. If Park can’t keep it in drive during the summer, he’s going to be sucking lots of Wang. (Name another publication where you get this type of insight and comedy.) Hermanson is not a true closer…yet, and Dotel will be wearing another uniform come July. Gonzalez has been banished to AAA and the combo of Nix/Hidalgo have combined for 2hr 10rbi 10r…not good. The bench is weaker than a sober Wolfe and it looks like another long summer of unreturned emails by the Steaks front office.
Player to watch: Rios. The kid is hitting .319 with 17r. The power will come. Final numbers .300+ 12hr 90r 20sb.
Grab a Beer When: Gibbons come up. Despite playing in the loaded Balt. Offense the Big Jay will not earn his $12 this year. Good thing the Steaks cheated to keep him. The Man say .255 16hr 65rbi and a DL stay.
Draft Grade: [C+] The good: Beltre $32, Dotel $26, Iguchi $12, the bad Millwood $8, and the ugly, Hidalgo $26. Once again the Steaks left money on the table. The taxi was more ex-Steak gay love for Sleeth and McClung. Meyer, Rosario and League were all solid picks. []
Management Grade: [] Steak management is kind of an oxymoron. The team is just plug and play. Sure they make a deal here and there but nothing seems to change year to year. Cue up the past couple of drafts and you’ll see what I mean.
6th Place: The Beltway Buckos, aka The House of Cards
Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean he’s been the club champion for three years running, and I’m no slouch myself.
Ty: Don’t sell yourself short Judge. You’re a tremendous slouch.
Keys to Success: Sobriety and Vlad the Impaler. Along with another guy who can mash when then cream and the clear are working, Sheffield. These guys have already combined for 10hr and 42rbi in the first month! Of course that pales in comparison to CARP wunderkind Roberts. Roberts, who once had to back up Jerry Hairston, was AL and CARP player of the month, hitting .372 8/27/24/12. Insane. The MI is strong, flanked by Soriano and Cabrera. All told, the Bucko offense might be among the best in the league and with those names you wouldn’t be surprised. You might be surprised to find the best bullpen though. Ryan the fireballing lefty has 23k in 14ip! Bautista is 8/9 in save chances. Solid. However, this begs the question? Why 6th then?
Keys to Distress: I’m glad you asked. Mr. Buchanan how is your bucket doing? Is it full yet? Do you need a change? If you didn’t know, the Buckos have to wear a boot bucket strapped to their face when any of the SP is on the mound, otherwise his wife gets pissed when the vomit gets in the carpet during BB tonight. Pick your puke, Rogers, Brown, Towers? Pavano is the ace? Wells on the DL. No W’s and no K’s, its just a matter of time before this staff implodes. The Buckos are first or second in every offensive category and that’s with flotsam like Zaun and Hinske playing out of their heads. Have you seen the CI? Boone has 4hr batting .122. SLG pct. is not a category last time I checked. Unless Roberts wins the MLB MVP this offense can’t carry this lame excuse for a pitching staff. Come summer, the Buckos will have plenty of free time to cruise the seas in the Stabin Cabin.
Player to Watch: Somehow appropriate that the Buckos pick to click should be a guy named B.J. Ryan emerges as a top 3 closer. 40+ saves and 100+k, ouch.
Grab a Beer When: Time to fold them for the Gambler. Hey, I know the stats. 2.11era/1.27whip, but thats why I’m the Man and your not. Final stats 4.85era/1.47whip. That means he in for some ugly months, enjoy.
Draft Grade: B+/ would be higher except Buchanan whines every year about his grade, despite the fact he consistently scores well. When you have $180 to spend at the draft, you get graded differently than others. Did you get some studs? Vlad and Sheff, check. Did you leave money on the table, no, check. Did you fill out your roster with decent mid-level guys? Well for every Crede there is a Boone, for every Brown a, wait, Brown sucks. Wells is looking like money down the drain. Taxi? Dellucci, Cattalanto, Franklin? I guess Andres “Big Cat” Gallaraga and Bud Black weren’t available.
Management Grade: Considering his draft grades and the Buckos recent finishes, including 6th this year what do you expect? C. Buchanan is always willing to make the big trade. Sometimes it’s a swing and a miss, sometimes it’s a HR. At least he has the balls to try, unlike other owners in CARP. The problem, Buchanan raging alcohol problem. Constantly drunk, the Buckos GM’s mode changes unpredictably between the angry/bitter variety and the party GM. See CARP drafts circa 2000, 2002, 2003 etc. The 05 Buckos are a house of cards currently in first based upon the hot starts of players like Roberts (.370, 10hr, 30rbi, 29r, 12sb) and Zaun (3hr, 20rbi). Once these players come back to earth, and they will, it remains to be seen if Buchanan can bail fast enough on the SS Bucko.
5th Place: The Capitol City Brewers, aka The Uninvited
Al Czervik: I can’t belive it. I playing the worst round of my life.
Ty: You’re not, you’re not good Al. You stink
Keys to Success: Despite trading RJ and Schill early in the season, the Brewers pitching looks formidable. Harden, Escobar, Lee and Grienke are a dominant 1-4, except in the W department. Unfortunate as that is a scoring category. There is depth though. Contreras is looking to rebound from his NY days (3.18era) and Maroth has outperformed expectations thus far and will end up a very serviceable 6/7 starter (3.83era 1.18whip). job now that Percival is down, again. Rincon, assuming he doesn’t pull a Giambi once he’s off the juice, and Burgos make the RP core of the Brewers the deepest, if not the best of CARP. On the offensive side, things are, well, offensive. Chavez, Pudge, Hafner and Crosby are all studs at their positions. Problem is Crosby’s current position is “indefinite dl” whatever the hell that is, and Chavez’s current #’s are .195 2/10/10. Read those again and remember its May.
Keys to Distress: God does the OF suck. Right now the Brewers start Mench, Monroe, Stairs, Matos and DeJesus. None of them rank any higher than a #3 on any CARP team and Matos is on the DL for 4-6 weeks. The Brewers offense, once the envy of CARP, has become a laughingstock. Ranking 8th, 7th or 6th in every offensive category except SB makes you a pretender. The stench is not confined to the OF. Barajas and Bellhorn are walking billboards for the “one year wonder” phenomenon. Barring a MAJOR trade, always a possibility, this is an offense that might end up ranking amongst the worst in CARP history.
Player to watch: Grienke. Yeah he looks like just came from a Neverland Ranch slumber party, yeah he’ll probably win 9 games with that putrid KC offense, but the kid can pitch. Final #’s 9-14, 3.55era/1.22 whip, 150k.
Grab a beer when: Mr. Viagra tries to get it up to the plate. I need to check the CARP blog if I’ve used that joke before. Seriously, Palmeiro is toast. I should have just crumpled up a dollar and shoved it up my arse while in the hot tub.
Draft Grade: D, and that’s generous. Only one year removed from a near perfect draft, GM LaTour shat the bed in 05. Maybe it was NOLA, maybe it was the reefer, maybe it was the god damn 6th grade marching band playing all afternoon. Whatever the reason, a complete disaster, started by drafting the Unit for $72. Somehow I thought that I could fill my roster with neat little $1 guys who hit 25hr. This is what I got: Finley $22, Barajas $2, Palmeiro $1, Gonzalez $1. Don’t forget about Lima and Bell in the Taxi. The only players that prevent this steaming pile of crap from earning an F were Hillenbrand ($1 thank you), Urbina $1 and Neimann $1. Next year Vegas.
Management Grade: A-. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Well, when you draft crap what are you supposed to do? Make a crap sandwhich? No. You make a deal like the Brewers and turn $147 worth of Schillin/Unit/Finley into $20 worth of Harden/Griekne/Mench. Don’t be deceived by the #5th ranking here, the Brewers are always a dangerous team with a sober GM LaTour around (cue ominous music). However, the next month will determine if there is any real run at the CARP Cup or if the Brewers are retooling for 06.
Well the grass is greener, the beer is colder and the Celtics are about to start making tees times….it must be time for the Pretenders/Contenders. People bitch every year, “Where are the Pretenders?” “What the hell is taking so long?” “You said I wouldn’t go to jail!” I’m sick of it. Every year I provide a humorous and insightful look into the coming CARP year and what do I ask for in return? Nothing. And does anyone appreciate it? Does anyone say nice job, I enjoyed it, it made me laugh? No its always “Why was my draft grade so low?” “Stop pimping your own prospects for trades”. Well some day I’ll be dead, if we go back to NO for the draft that might be as soon as next year. And then what? I’ll tell you, you’re going to have to read about Wolfie’s crockpot, Al and the fucking Kansas Jayhawks. So start showing me some respect.
Anyway, each year I struggle to come up with some theme for the predictions. Trust me its harder than you think. Will all apologies to Bill Simmons, the 05 Pretenders will be an homage to perhaps the greatest sports movie of all time, Caddyshack. I know its golf, but screw it. Each team will have a quote from the movie which best exemplifies their 05 season.
Remember, don’t like what I say, think I’m full of shit? Each year I invite everyone to keep the Pretenders (actually now Wolfe has posted them) and check back with me in October. I stand by my record, for better or worse. Remember, these picks are for recreational purposes only, please no wagering.
8th Place: The Park Avenue Money, aka The Also-Rans
Judge Smailes: Say, I’m having a little party at the yacht club this Sunday. I christening my new sloop. What are you doing?
Danny: No plans.
Judge: Great! How would you like to mow my lawn?
Keys to success: Well, I guess unlimited patience doesn’t count? While the rest of CARP battles for the cup, the Money are mowing lawns. Its not that bad, but its not good. The OF will be pretty good…in 2006. Seriously, Sosa was a nice grab. I think he bounces back to hit 30hr. Throw in Matsui, or Shemp, as he is affectionately known in my house, and Ford, and the Money have a tri-fecta of 30hr guys. When Baldelli returns some time in the summer, he and Sizemore provide a nice power speed package. My mother taught me not to say anything if you couldn’t say something nice, so I’ll ignore the rest of the hitters. The Money pitching is like a $40 lapdance (commonplace in NOLA), at first you hesitate, but once your upstairs you might as well enjoy the ride. It is devoid of stars, but Radke, Haren, Arroyo and Bedard are solid era and whip guys. Foulke and Percival are higher class talent and come with the respective price tags. Overall, you might leave the Money pen a little light in the wallet, but you’ll have a smile on your face.
Keys to distress: Well the offense is bad, real bad. Bad like cringe bad, bad like last in every category bad. I know the OF doesn’t suck, but Baldelli is on the DL, meaning that Sanchex and Harris start. One’s on roids and the other should get the dealer’s number. The infield has some bright spots, Morneau, Guillen, Mauer, but for each of them there are two Olivos or Teahens. The good news is the Money will have all summer to stock pile first round supplemental picks for that Championship run coming in 2009.
Player to watch: Bedard. The best pitcher most people don’t pay attention to. He’s the ace the O’s by Sept. Look for an era around 4.00 and 12+wins.
Grab a beer when: El Puque. Is he 40? 45? He’s not Clemens or Johnson, that’s for sure. Over/under on DL trips 2, take the over.
Draft Grade: B+. Wow I must have been fucked up at the draft, I don’t remember the Money doing this well. G$ had money to spend and he spent it well. He got a stud for big money ARod, shopped around a bit in the mid-range, Sosa 34, Percival 26, and got a steal with Haren at 12. I even like Phelps and Olivo although, thus far they are disappointing. Its not a A, why? Because the taxi round counts. Tino? Why? Whats the point, especially after you just drafted Dan Johnson. Penn and Street are nice picks but they can’t make up for the Quirozs of this taxi round.
Management grade: C. And that might be generous. You only get a pass for being the new kid for so long. This is the Money’s third year in the league and the progress is incremental. Last with 29pts. Last in four offensive categories. Hey, there have been good moves. Draft and trade of ARod brought Morneau. I think Haren was a steal at $12 and Arroyo and Bedard will soon provide anchors of the rotation. With these building blocks the Money don’t have excuses to be the doormat of the league anymore.
7th Place: The Philadelphia Cheesesteaks, aka The Barracudas
Carl: If you ever wanna rap, you know, just talk or get weird with somebody, you know, buddies for life.
Ty: I’ll drop by and you drop by my place anytime.
Carl: You got a pool over there?
Ty: We have a pond in the back, and a pool. Pond would be good for you.
Keys to Success: Definitely not the name. The Bees have the worst name in the league but Cheesesteaks is a close second. If the Steaks finish last, the Commish reserves the right to rename them the Barracudas. Nice combo of power and speed. Konerko, Matinez and Beltre can mash. Martinez is off to a horrible start (2hr 8rbi) but he’ll finish with the best numbers of any C. Look for 30hr and 120rbi. Same with Beltre. The steals will be there. Ichiro has 8 already, his twin, the Donger (Iguchi) has three and will finish with 20+. Once Rios and Reed get going (4 combined) the Steaks will finish near the top in SB. After that there’s not much. I mean we are talking about the 7th place team. All right, Kazmir, Blanton, Washburn will make a nice 1-3 soon. I’m just not sure if that in 2005.
Keys to Distress: Well if we ever go to war with Japan, the Steaks are in trouble. Plus their pitching kind of sucks. Noting the 3 above, the Steaks have 7 wins from 9 SP thus far. If Park can’t keep it in drive during the summer, he’s going to be sucking lots of Wang. (Name another publication where you get this type of insight and comedy.) Hermanson is not a true closer…yet, and Dotel will be wearing another uniform come July. Gonzalez has been banished to AAA and the combo of Nix/Hidalgo have combined for 2hr 10rbi 10r…not good. The bench is weaker than a sober Wolfe and it looks like another long summer of unreturned emails by the Steaks front office.
Player to watch: Rios. The kid is hitting .319 with 17r. The power will come. Final numbers .300+ 12hr 90r 20sb.
Grab a Beer When: Gibbons come up. Despite playing in the loaded Balt. Offense the Big Jay will not earn his $12 this year. Good thing the Steaks cheated to keep him. The Man say .255 16hr 65rbi and a DL stay.
Draft Grade: [C+] The good: Beltre $32, Dotel $26, Iguchi $12, the bad Millwood $8, and the ugly, Hidalgo $26. Once again the Steaks left money on the table. The taxi was more ex-Steak gay love for Sleeth and McClung. Meyer, Rosario and League were all solid picks. []
Management Grade: [] Steak management is kind of an oxymoron. The team is just plug and play. Sure they make a deal here and there but nothing seems to change year to year. Cue up the past couple of drafts and you’ll see what I mean.
6th Place: The Beltway Buckos, aka The House of Cards
Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean he’s been the club champion for three years running, and I’m no slouch myself.
Ty: Don’t sell yourself short Judge. You’re a tremendous slouch.
Keys to Success: Sobriety and Vlad the Impaler. Along with another guy who can mash when then cream and the clear are working, Sheffield. These guys have already combined for 10hr and 42rbi in the first month! Of course that pales in comparison to CARP wunderkind Roberts. Roberts, who once had to back up Jerry Hairston, was AL and CARP player of the month, hitting .372 8/27/24/12. Insane. The MI is strong, flanked by Soriano and Cabrera. All told, the Bucko offense might be among the best in the league and with those names you wouldn’t be surprised. You might be surprised to find the best bullpen though. Ryan the fireballing lefty has 23k in 14ip! Bautista is 8/9 in save chances. Solid. However, this begs the question? Why 6th then?
Keys to Distress: I’m glad you asked. Mr. Buchanan how is your bucket doing? Is it full yet? Do you need a change? If you didn’t know, the Buckos have to wear a boot bucket strapped to their face when any of the SP is on the mound, otherwise his wife gets pissed when the vomit gets in the carpet during BB tonight. Pick your puke, Rogers, Brown, Towers? Pavano is the ace? Wells on the DL. No W’s and no K’s, its just a matter of time before this staff implodes. The Buckos are first or second in every offensive category and that’s with flotsam like Zaun and Hinske playing out of their heads. Have you seen the CI? Boone has 4hr batting .122. SLG pct. is not a category last time I checked. Unless Roberts wins the MLB MVP this offense can’t carry this lame excuse for a pitching staff. Come summer, the Buckos will have plenty of free time to cruise the seas in the Stabin Cabin.
Player to Watch: Somehow appropriate that the Buckos pick to click should be a guy named B.J. Ryan emerges as a top 3 closer. 40+ saves and 100+k, ouch.
Grab a Beer When: Time to fold them for the Gambler. Hey, I know the stats. 2.11era/1.27whip, but thats why I’m the Man and your not. Final stats 4.85era/1.47whip. That means he in for some ugly months, enjoy.
Draft Grade: B+/ would be higher except Buchanan whines every year about his grade, despite the fact he consistently scores well. When you have $180 to spend at the draft, you get graded differently than others. Did you get some studs? Vlad and Sheff, check. Did you leave money on the table, no, check. Did you fill out your roster with decent mid-level guys? Well for every Crede there is a Boone, for every Brown a, wait, Brown sucks. Wells is looking like money down the drain. Taxi? Dellucci, Cattalanto, Franklin? I guess Andres “Big Cat” Gallaraga and Bud Black weren’t available.
Management Grade: Considering his draft grades and the Buckos recent finishes, including 6th this year what do you expect? C. Buchanan is always willing to make the big trade. Sometimes it’s a swing and a miss, sometimes it’s a HR. At least he has the balls to try, unlike other owners in CARP. The problem, Buchanan raging alcohol problem. Constantly drunk, the Buckos GM’s mode changes unpredictably between the angry/bitter variety and the party GM. See CARP drafts circa 2000, 2002, 2003 etc. The 05 Buckos are a house of cards currently in first based upon the hot starts of players like Roberts (.370, 10hr, 30rbi, 29r, 12sb) and Zaun (3hr, 20rbi). Once these players come back to earth, and they will, it remains to be seen if Buchanan can bail fast enough on the SS Bucko.
5th Place: The Capitol City Brewers, aka The Uninvited
Al Czervik: I can’t belive it. I playing the worst round of my life.
Ty: You’re not, you’re not good Al. You stink
Keys to Success: Despite trading RJ and Schill early in the season, the Brewers pitching looks formidable. Harden, Escobar, Lee and Grienke are a dominant 1-4, except in the W department. Unfortunate as that is a scoring category. There is depth though. Contreras is looking to rebound from his NY days (3.18era) and Maroth has outperformed expectations thus far and will end up a very serviceable 6/7 starter (3.83era 1.18whip). job now that Percival is down, again. Rincon, assuming he doesn’t pull a Giambi once he’s off the juice, and Burgos make the RP core of the Brewers the deepest, if not the best of CARP. On the offensive side, things are, well, offensive. Chavez, Pudge, Hafner and Crosby are all studs at their positions. Problem is Crosby’s current position is “indefinite dl” whatever the hell that is, and Chavez’s current #’s are .195 2/10/10. Read those again and remember its May.
Keys to Distress: God does the OF suck. Right now the Brewers start Mench, Monroe, Stairs, Matos and DeJesus. None of them rank any higher than a #3 on any CARP team and Matos is on the DL for 4-6 weeks. The Brewers offense, once the envy of CARP, has become a laughingstock. Ranking 8th, 7th or 6th in every offensive category except SB makes you a pretender. The stench is not confined to the OF. Barajas and Bellhorn are walking billboards for the “one year wonder” phenomenon. Barring a MAJOR trade, always a possibility, this is an offense that might end up ranking amongst the worst in CARP history.
Player to watch: Grienke. Yeah he looks like just came from a Neverland Ranch slumber party, yeah he’ll probably win 9 games with that putrid KC offense, but the kid can pitch. Final #’s 9-14, 3.55era/1.22 whip, 150k.
Grab a beer when: Mr. Viagra tries to get it up to the plate. I need to check the CARP blog if I’ve used that joke before. Seriously, Palmeiro is toast. I should have just crumpled up a dollar and shoved it up my arse while in the hot tub.
Draft Grade: D, and that’s generous. Only one year removed from a near perfect draft, GM LaTour shat the bed in 05. Maybe it was NOLA, maybe it was the reefer, maybe it was the god damn 6th grade marching band playing all afternoon. Whatever the reason, a complete disaster, started by drafting the Unit for $72. Somehow I thought that I could fill my roster with neat little $1 guys who hit 25hr. This is what I got: Finley $22, Barajas $2, Palmeiro $1, Gonzalez $1. Don’t forget about Lima and Bell in the Taxi. The only players that prevent this steaming pile of crap from earning an F were Hillenbrand ($1 thank you), Urbina $1 and Neimann $1. Next year Vegas.
Management Grade: A-. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Well, when you draft crap what are you supposed to do? Make a crap sandwhich? No. You make a deal like the Brewers and turn $147 worth of Schillin/Unit/Finley into $20 worth of Harden/Griekne/Mench. Don’t be deceived by the #5th ranking here, the Brewers are always a dangerous team with a sober GM LaTour around (cue ominous music). However, the next month will determine if there is any real run at the CARP Cup or if the Brewers are retooling for 06.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Creepers Add Second Closer
Late Monday night the Brighton Creepers acquired Octvio Dotel, Russ Adams, and Kyle Sleeth in exchange Denny Bautista, Coco Crisp, Ervin Santana. The Creepers filled their need for a second closer and a middle infielder to replace Keith Ginter. The Creeper's GM was quoted, "Santana is a risky guy, but he's got a great upside. With Bautista it's all about harnessing his stuff. If Randy Johnson retires, he might be the ugliest pitcher in the American League. If he gets it all together, he'll be a strike out guy with wins. But he's young, so this is how deals go. Dotel is flakey. Lots of closers are but he seems to have better stuff them most of them. Getting a second closer fills a giant hole, obviously, and I needed to make that deal at this point. I don't expect Dotel to be back necessarily in the AL next year, but if he is, it'll be with the Creepers. Don't forget about Russ Adams." The Creepers have an immediate need for another hitter.
Monday, May 02, 2005
First Supplemental Draft Results - 2005
1st Round
1. Money -- Justin Huber (1B/KC) -- Release Brian Anderson
2. Money -- Gustavo Chacin (SP/Tor) -- Release Clinton Nageotte
3. Steaks -- Chien-Ming Wang (SP/NYY) -- Release Scott Elarton
4. Bees -- Nook Logan (OF/Det) -- Release Brandon Phillips
5. Pirates -- Justin Verlander (Jr. HS) -- Release Travis Lee
6. Buckos -- Josh Towers (SP/TOR) - Release Eric Dubose
7. Hogs -- J.D. Martin (SP Cle) - Release Thomas Diamond
8. Hogs (from Creepers) -- Walter Young (1B Bal) - Release J Herrera
2nd Round
9. Park Avenue Money -- Jeremy Sowers (SP/CLE) - Release Ryan Garko
10. Steaks -- Elijah Dukes (OF/TB) - Release Felix Diaz
11. Brewers--Thomas Diamond - no release necessary
12. Brewers (from Bees)--Matt Moses (3b/MIN) - release Juan Cruz
13. Pirates-- Johnny Gomes-- soon to be AAA (TB)- release Nomo
14. Brewers from Buckos) -- A Burgos (RP/KC) -- release Rob Bell
15. Creepers (from Hogs) -- A Martinez (SP/Bos) -- release Matt Riley
16. Bees (from Creepers) -- A Sisco (RP/KC) -- no release necessary
1. Money -- Justin Huber (1B/KC) -- Release Brian Anderson
2. Money -- Gustavo Chacin (SP/Tor) -- Release Clinton Nageotte
3. Steaks -- Chien-Ming Wang (SP/NYY) -- Release Scott Elarton
4. Bees -- Nook Logan (OF/Det) -- Release Brandon Phillips
5. Pirates -- Justin Verlander (Jr. HS) -- Release Travis Lee
6. Buckos -- Josh Towers (SP/TOR) - Release Eric Dubose
7. Hogs -- J.D. Martin (SP Cle) - Release Thomas Diamond
8. Hogs (from Creepers) -- Walter Young (1B Bal) - Release J Herrera
2nd Round
9. Park Avenue Money -- Jeremy Sowers (SP/CLE) - Release Ryan Garko
10. Steaks -- Elijah Dukes (OF/TB) - Release Felix Diaz
11. Brewers--Thomas Diamond - no release necessary
12. Brewers (from Bees)--Matt Moses (3b/MIN) - release Juan Cruz
13. Pirates-- Johnny Gomes-- soon to be AAA (TB)- release Nomo
14. Brewers from Buckos) -- A Burgos (RP/KC) -- release Rob Bell
15. Creepers (from Hogs) -- A Martinez (SP/Bos) -- release Matt Riley
16. Bees (from Creepers) -- A Sisco (RP/KC) -- no release necessary
Supplemental Draft Day Trade #2
Bees acquire the final pick in the first supplemental draft from the Creepers in exchange for Jon Papelbon.
Supplemental Draft Day Trade
Buckos trade their 2nd round pick, 1st supp to the Brewers for the Brewers 2nd round pick, 5th supp.
Friday, April 29, 2005
1999 Pretenders [Partial]
Well, after a long delay here is the first installment of the Contenders 1999. First installment? Yes. Hey, I'm a busy guy and I've got to get things in order before I leave for Spain. Anyway here are the picks for #3&4 compliments of "The Man". Installment number #2 to follow later this week. Remember, chicks love the long ball.
4TH Place: The Waverly Warthogs; GM Craig Haskell
History: Ever since the Hogs entered the league with the Shadowcasters back in 96' they have been the whipping boy of The Man in the annual predictions. After a series of miscues (Felipe Crespo?) the Hogs have entered contender status for the first time thanks to GM Haskell's deft trading and drafting over the past year.
Keys to Success: Even with both Edmonds and Clark on the DL, the potent Hog offense continues to put up solid numbers. GM Haskell has quietly put together one of the best MI in CARP. The emergence of Feebles as a legitimate ROY allowed the trade of Tejeda for Milton and Edmonds. Easley and Offerman have already combined for 6hr 9sb and 35rbi. Catcher is also an asset. Greene and Sweeney might be the best in CARP right now based on the stats. The corner is a little light, but Clark shouldn't be out much longer and when Edmonds returns the Hogs will be fairly deep at the corner.
Keys to Distress: Offense alone can't carry the Hogs past 4th. The starters on this team are in trouble. Let's just ignore Brian "scuffy" Moehler for now. Wakefield has lost it once again; Appier, once a sure thing, is now pure roulette ever time he takes the mound; Henry out for the year; Mendoza back to the pen when Clemens is back; Clark an utter disaster, and Doc looks like he could use more than just a little pick-me-up. Halama and Kida are not the answers to these types of problems.
Player to watch: Encarnacion is going to have a hell of a season. Now that Hunter is gone the Det. OF is pretty much set with Kapler and Higgy. Encarnacion has matured since that mound charging incident and his #'s .279 3hr 15rbi 8sb point to much bigger things down the road. He will be a 30/30 type player soon, just not this year. Look for .290 15hr 75rbi 80r 25sb for starters this year and lots of Sportcenter face time.
Grab a beer when: The Doc gets handed the ball. In a year in which we have witnessed the graceful exit of sport superstars Gretzky, Jordan, and Elway...some guys just don't get it. Dr. K's career is not ending with a bang but rather a 6.53era/1.984whimper. Look for him to be out of the Cle rotation as soon as they can trade for a pitcher in the stretch run.
3rd Place: Capital City Brewers: GM Pierre LaTour
History: My, how the mighty have fallen. Just one year removed from back to back championships, the Brewers are picked for third. Despite making some clubs nervous with a major offseason deal which brought the Brewers Rivera, Tino, and Omar Oliveras it appears that they will fall short of a record third CARP title.
Keys to Success: Strangely enough, pitching, namely starting pitching.
Once the achillies of this club, it is now its strength. Not only can the Brewers field a respectable 8-1 rotation they have two starters on the bench Pena and Florie, and two other potentially better starters in Greisinger and Hamilton ready to come off the DL. While only Radke and Mussina have the stats to be rated true number 1's, Pettitte, Helling Baldwin and Olivares have all recently put up good numbers. Rivera is the first top closer the Brewers have ever had and both Koch and Moreno will be closing games before the end of the season.
Keys to distress: The infield. Where is the power? This team set a CARP record for HR's last year. 5 weeks into the season the Brewers are last in HR's (36hr out of first) and tied for last in RBI's (56! out of first). While Tino and Coomer haven't been horrible at the corner they only have 23rbi between the two of them. The real disaster so far has been future star Chavez. Expected to fill some of the void left by Palmeiro, Chavez has struggled badly at they plate (0hr 4rbi) and has now fallen into a platoon role. Even with A-Rod on the horizon (and yes that too has contributed to the Brewers slow start if you were wondering) the Brewers may have already fallen too far behind the Creeper and Steak machines to ever catch up.
Player to watch: Carlos Beltran. Give him the trophy now. Fresh from AA the kid is on pace for a .300 20hr 90rbi 30sb season, and this is playing for a crappy team. In a few years Beltran and Mateo will dominate the highlight shows.
Grab a beer when: Jason Varitek waddles towards the plate. Did you see the highlight when he couldn't get the donut off his bat? How strangely appropriate. Varitek won the golden spikes award twice in college, he then held out for bigger bucks (paging Scott Boras) and since then the baseball gods have rightfully punished him at the plate. Even with moderate power at the plate his average was a killer last season. Now even the power is gone. Given the full time job when Hatteberg went down, Varitek responded with career stalling numbers .218 0hr 7rbi 6r. Doesn't Boston have some catching prospects in the minors?
4TH Place: The Waverly Warthogs; GM Craig Haskell
History: Ever since the Hogs entered the league with the Shadowcasters back in 96' they have been the whipping boy of The Man in the annual predictions. After a series of miscues (Felipe Crespo?) the Hogs have entered contender status for the first time thanks to GM Haskell's deft trading and drafting over the past year.
Keys to Success: Even with both Edmonds and Clark on the DL, the potent Hog offense continues to put up solid numbers. GM Haskell has quietly put together one of the best MI in CARP. The emergence of Feebles as a legitimate ROY allowed the trade of Tejeda for Milton and Edmonds. Easley and Offerman have already combined for 6hr 9sb and 35rbi. Catcher is also an asset. Greene and Sweeney might be the best in CARP right now based on the stats. The corner is a little light, but Clark shouldn't be out much longer and when Edmonds returns the Hogs will be fairly deep at the corner.
Keys to Distress: Offense alone can't carry the Hogs past 4th. The starters on this team are in trouble. Let's just ignore Brian "scuffy" Moehler for now. Wakefield has lost it once again; Appier, once a sure thing, is now pure roulette ever time he takes the mound; Henry out for the year; Mendoza back to the pen when Clemens is back; Clark an utter disaster, and Doc looks like he could use more than just a little pick-me-up. Halama and Kida are not the answers to these types of problems.
Player to watch: Encarnacion is going to have a hell of a season. Now that Hunter is gone the Det. OF is pretty much set with Kapler and Higgy. Encarnacion has matured since that mound charging incident and his #'s .279 3hr 15rbi 8sb point to much bigger things down the road. He will be a 30/30 type player soon, just not this year. Look for .290 15hr 75rbi 80r 25sb for starters this year and lots of Sportcenter face time.
Grab a beer when: The Doc gets handed the ball. In a year in which we have witnessed the graceful exit of sport superstars Gretzky, Jordan, and Elway...some guys just don't get it. Dr. K's career is not ending with a bang but rather a 6.53era/1.984whimper. Look for him to be out of the Cle rotation as soon as they can trade for a pitcher in the stretch run.
3rd Place: Capital City Brewers: GM Pierre LaTour
History: My, how the mighty have fallen. Just one year removed from back to back championships, the Brewers are picked for third. Despite making some clubs nervous with a major offseason deal which brought the Brewers Rivera, Tino, and Omar Oliveras it appears that they will fall short of a record third CARP title.
Keys to Success: Strangely enough, pitching, namely starting pitching.
Once the achillies of this club, it is now its strength. Not only can the Brewers field a respectable 8-1 rotation they have two starters on the bench Pena and Florie, and two other potentially better starters in Greisinger and Hamilton ready to come off the DL. While only Radke and Mussina have the stats to be rated true number 1's, Pettitte, Helling Baldwin and Olivares have all recently put up good numbers. Rivera is the first top closer the Brewers have ever had and both Koch and Moreno will be closing games before the end of the season.
Keys to distress: The infield. Where is the power? This team set a CARP record for HR's last year. 5 weeks into the season the Brewers are last in HR's (36hr out of first) and tied for last in RBI's (56! out of first). While Tino and Coomer haven't been horrible at the corner they only have 23rbi between the two of them. The real disaster so far has been future star Chavez. Expected to fill some of the void left by Palmeiro, Chavez has struggled badly at they plate (0hr 4rbi) and has now fallen into a platoon role. Even with A-Rod on the horizon (and yes that too has contributed to the Brewers slow start if you were wondering) the Brewers may have already fallen too far behind the Creeper and Steak machines to ever catch up.
Player to watch: Carlos Beltran. Give him the trophy now. Fresh from AA the kid is on pace for a .300 20hr 90rbi 30sb season, and this is playing for a crappy team. In a few years Beltran and Mateo will dominate the highlight shows.
Grab a beer when: Jason Varitek waddles towards the plate. Did you see the highlight when he couldn't get the donut off his bat? How strangely appropriate. Varitek won the golden spikes award twice in college, he then held out for bigger bucks (paging Scott Boras) and since then the baseball gods have rightfully punished him at the plate. Even with moderate power at the plate his average was a killer last season. Now even the power is gone. Given the full time job when Hatteberg went down, Varitek responded with career stalling numbers .218 0hr 7rbi 6r. Doesn't Boston have some catching prospects in the minors?
2000 Pretenders / Contenders
Welcome everyone to the sixth season of CARP. As we eneter the new millenium of the CARP league I am struck by the dramatic changes in technology that have transformed our league which commenced just 5 years ago. When CARP began TQstats would send a single e-mail per week with the standings and stats of the teams. Today we have daily updates on a web page that allows our own transactions and even projects the season winner. Not to mention that some of us have dishes that allow us to watch any game or computers that let us listen. Truely astounding when you think about it. Yet with all these advances there is still no more accurrate prediction of the final standings than The Man. Thus, despite the fresh snow on the ground here are The Man's first installment of the Pretenders/Contenders 2000. As always, please no wagering.
8TH PLACE: THE WASHINGTON BROWNSKINS
LAST YEAR:4TH
Key to Success: The front of the rotation is strong. Colon is a #1, Sele and solid #2 and both Burba and Rupe will provide good numbers if not overly fantastic. In fact, all but Rupe are serious threats to win 20+ games. The C position is also above average. The Skins' re-uped on Assy (that's what Juan calls him) and he and Hernandez form a good combo at the backstop.
Key to Distress: Simply put: depth. The Skins' ould kick ass in a AA roto league. That's the problem. At the expense of players who actually get AB's the Skins are stocked to the gills with prospects. Even assuming the Castilla is the DH (once he emerges from the DL) and Guzman is the SS (instead of Soriano) the Skins are tanking 2 batting positions. The same is true for the rotation. Anderson, Mulder and Weaver all look to put up numbers in 2001-02. The Skins need to buy a calender. If anybody gets hurt or goes down the Skins will have to swallow long and hard and put Beck in (once he too comes off the DL) because he is the ONLY major league pitcher drafted in the taxi round.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT C+/B-
Despite a last minute snafu that rendered the Skins' little more than a disembodied voice over a speakerphone a la' Charlie of Charlie's Angels fame, the Skins had an above average draft. Due to incessant prospect stockpiling the Skins' did little to address their appalling lack of depth in either pitching or hitting. Mondesi is the exception. The Skins need big things from him and he will deiver to a point. Its no accident that despite 3 straight 30hr seasons Mondesi have never driven in 100. Look for 38hr 100rbi but only 22sb. Olerud is fine but $32? His days of .363 are long gone. 30hr 1B's are a dime a dozen and this guy's hoping for 25. Even when Castilla comes off the DL the over/under for hrs between him and Olerud is 50.
Player to watch: Colon, watch him blossom into a dominate #1
Grab a beer when: Ledee steps in the box. Prove me wrong punk.
7TH PLACE: THE WAVERLY/SOMEPLACE IN MAINE WARTHOGS
LAST YEAR: 6TH
KTS: Healthy pitching and quick callups. The Hogs come off a year in 99' in which the staff won only 70 games(and Irabu had 11 of those). Ouch! Nomo and Witasick were both good pickups. Expect adjustments from both from the early weeks. Nomo not as good as his current numbers nor is Witasick as bad. Erickson (rusty) and Alvarez (fat) need to pitch like its a contract year for them. Meanwhile the Hogs are banking on either Yarnall or Garland to get more than a cup of coffee at the show this year, more like a 64oz Stuckey truck stop special.
KTD: An unbalanced offense. Too many guys who can't hit for avg. (Vaughn, Encarnacion, Easly Valentin) combined with power pretenders such as O'Neil, Bell, and Guillen to mount an attack that would scare most slo-pitch softball leagues. In addition, the Hogs lost 50+ steals with the defection of Feebles and Hunter and they are replaced with O'Neil and Valentin.
That's like moving from the Hilton to the Super 8. PS...if the rotation can't stay healthy its Rapp and Mercedes to the rescue.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT B/C+
Nomo, Trach, and Witasick for $8 is a steal. The Hogs certainly got value, however, the actual impact of those players may end up being not far out of proportion to their price. Offseason acquistions such as Alvarez and Mo Vaughn for the likes of Richie Sexson do NOT win GM of the year awards.
Player to watch: Milton, will seamlessly assume the role of ace once Radke is traded.
Grab a beer when: Rapp takes the mound. Does that Pepto come in 32oz?
6TH PLACE: THE CHELSEA "PINK" PIRATES
LAST YEAR: 7TH
KTS: Despite the loss of Edmunds due to the fascist Commish and his evil minions, the Pink Pirates has a super OF. Lofton comes in for Damon to strengthen a OF anchored by budding super star Ordonez (look for 40hr 125rbi). For a no name rotation, the Pirates have the chance to have one of the better staffs in CARP. Rosado is the only #1 but Suppan, Nagy, Loaiza and even Yan are all capable of 10+ wins. If Thompson comes back healthy in May and provide 25 starts the front office can begin to address the fatal flaw of the club.
KTD: Both the infield and the bullpen are too fundamentally retarded to allow the Pirates to finish any higher. Evans, already stung by pre-season heckling at the hands of drunk Philadelphians, will be exposed for the lame-ass that he is. I mean this guy was released by the Jays when Tony Fernandez was at 3rd. Brosius is already hurt and Gonzalez is gearing up for his annual "I don't suck" campaign. Good luck. I've seen the numbers, but I still don't think the Big Skirt has regained his old form. Izzy is an interesting pick up, but asking him to carry the load alone with Cordero and Guardado as your help is simply asking too much.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT B+/B
The entire outfield acquisition of Lofton/Buhner/Martinez was perhaps the coup of the draft. Lofton has already put the rest of the league on notice that last year's numbers were an aberration. Even getting only 400-450 abs this year a healthy Buhner could get 35hr. Martinez is solid year in year out. I also like Fick, $7 is a little high but he should also see decent abs. Thompson/Wheeler/Zito are a great blend of youth and veteran stuff.
We can finally look at this Pirate team as a true reflection of the ownership tandem of Dennis "DUI" Hirsch and his cohort Owen "Make your own joke here" Ayre. No longer can they complain about the team they inherited from the late Dr. Glahn. While they deserve praise for their draft they cannot escape the fact that they traded the best backstop in CARP and current MVP away for the Big Skirt and Trot Nixon. Not to mention they have the only current CARP player with a halo brace on their roster.
Player to watch: Ordonez. He may be the trendy pick, but there is no denying his talent and potential.
Grab a beer when: Alex Gonzalez digs in. This guy has been the whipping boy for The Man for years. Nothing has changed.
5TH PLACE: THE BELTWAY BUCKOS
LAST YEAR: 5TH
KTS: Vastly improved outfield and strong front rotation. Pitching has always been the calling card of the Buckos. Their staff from 95' still holds most of the CARP pitching records. This season is no different. The staff returns every crucial member with the exception of Erickson for the 2000 campaign, a staff which won 99 games last year. Wells and Moyer are automatic. Halladay looks to step in for Erickson and Rogers early returns are scary.(look for 18 wins and era/whip 3.80/1.30). The outfiled is greatly improved with Everett and Salmon. Remember the Surhoff led the team with 28hr last year. However Everett/Salmon are good for 60+hrs and Grieve cna be 30+ if he can put together a full season like the second half he had for the Buckos last year after the trade (25hr 74rbi in 367abs).
KTD: Batista saved the infield from being a total disaster. I know about Alomar but the rest? Ripkin might just retire after he gets his 3,000 hit, Ortiz has yet to fulfill his potential and must deal with the constant threat of bench time with that crusty old bastard up in Minn and Cruz is, well he's a pretty good $1 ss, nuff said. What's that? Oh, right Tony Clark. Now I would be lying if I said I wasn't a believer at one point. I mean this guy is 6'7" with this giant power stroke. Problem is that long stroke leads to long slumps, those slumps have also been referred to as April, May, and June. And now Clark doesn't have Tiger stadium to kick around any more. Add to that a weak top of the order in Detroit and Igor gobbling up many of his rbi and its goodbye 35hr 120rbi seasons for Mr. Clark. I'll take a wild stab at .275 28hr 90rbi. The infield narrowly dooms the Buckos to Pretender status.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT A-/A-
In the South I think they call it playing possum. I swear to god that's what the Buckos seem to do year in year out at the draft. I mean I have a great deal of respect for the team. After all they are only 1 of 3 teams on the trophy. But sometimes you get the feeling the Buckos are not exactly on top of things. You talk with them in the offseason about players and they don't always know which team they are on sometimes. Then they show up at the draft right off the plane from Grenada of all freakin places and walk away with Everett, Batista, Salmon, and Wetteland and arguably don't overpay for a single one. The Buckos has demonstrated that slow and steady sometimes wins the race. The shrewdest trade of 99 was Grieve and Halladay for Cone and Lofton. A trade looking to pay big dividends in 2000. The Buckos don't receive a perfect grade in large part because of the youth movement?! the Buckos undertook in the taxi. I mean please...Stanley, Polonia, Fassero, Bordick. Who is the team sponsor, Depends?
Player to watch: Halladay. Not so much for a breakout season, that comes in 2001, but because he is crucial to the Buckos staff and must put of good numbers.
Grab a beer when: CJ Nitowski toes the rubber. This guy slipped something into somebody's drink to in a shot in the Tiger's rotation. Look out for serious whiplash.
Well, here it is at last. I know that many of you thought that the Man would not deliver the goods this year, but after having to deal with the annoying distractions of work and taxes here are The Pretenders 2000, as inevitable as Canseco pulling a hammy. Before I get to the teams I want to make clear that one reason it took me so long to put together the Pretenders this year is that the league is so wide open. Really any of these four teams could win this year and it should be at least a three team race right down to the final weekend this year. Anyway, somebody has to lose and somebody will carry the trophy home (which looks quite nice on top of my armoire).
4TH PLACE: THE PHILADELPHIA CHEESESTEAKS
LAST YEAR: 3RD PLACE
KTS: Deep pitching and an improved infield. The brothers Martinez and Mr. Finley are as strong as any 1-3 in CARP. Between Finley and Pedro they already have 57k's in just 6 starts. You do the math. Ramon will be fine once the weather warms up. He could easily post 15+ wins. Carpenter and Meche ar still a year away from putting up impressive roto numbers but most owners would love to have them now. The big problem with the pitching staff is the over-stuffed beanie baby Jaret Wright. Either the Steaks know something the Man doesn't (impossible you say?) or perhaps there is a seceret gay romance brewing, but how does this guy make the rotation with Oliver, Parque and Mays on the bench? I mean this guy sucks big time.
I've been saying it since his rookie year. He's got a nice flat 95mph fastball and he's willing to pitch inside (of your helmet) but that doesn't cut it at the show. It went almost unnoticed at the draft that the Steaks sat around waiting for everyone else to finnish before scooping up DeShields and Fryman for a total of $3. DeShields is on a mission and it looks like he will steal 40+. Combined with Delgado and Randa the Steaks infield will not be the reason that the team fades in the summer.
KTD: That honor goes to the OF. The poor Steaks, that Grebeck thing is for real. Puckett goes blind, McGuire, Brown and Junior all go NL, what's an owner to do. Apparently hang your hopes on a Higgenson comeback. I mean the Steaks sometimes look like the island of misfit toys, refuge for players who once showed promise but now cling to the Steaks in the hope of reviving their stalled careers. Mr. Higgenson have you met Mr. Bottalico?
At Comerica park Higgy might finish the year with single digit HR's. The catchers on this team suck as well. LeCroy will be a stud, but not this year. Who the hell is Mark Johnson? If you need a Boston catcher who doesn't play, talk to the Steaks.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT A-/B+
The Steaks had perhaps the second best draft next to the Buc's. As mentioned before, DeShields and Fryman cement that infield. Cruz and Fullmer cannot be ignored. With Stewart still suffering from a nagging hammy from last season it is crucial that Cruz develop into an everyday player this year. He has always been known as a cripple hitter (see his 8hr) but still has shown an inability to hit the breaking pitch (see his .230 avg). Fullmer is looking to have a breakout year once he got out of Montreal. Sasaki is the gamble. No doubt he has the chance to pick up 30+ saves. The problem is that Pinella likes to ruin his pen. I would worry about his overuse, espicially down the stretch. Sasucki is coming off surgery and has only 3 saves in 8 appearances thus far this season. The Steaks will need those saves with Timlin and the human napalm bomb Bottalico in their pen. Smart vets like JValentin and Dave Martinez add valuable bench stength. This may be the last year that the Steaks can hold on to Pedro. He will be $70 next year. Unfortunaely his supporting cast is just not strong enough to win this year. Pedro's best chance for a CARP ring may lie in being traded in August to the eventaul CARP champ, ah, whomever that is.
Player to watch: Finley. Given the chance to shine on a contender Finley will win 20 for the first time.
Grab a beer when: Oliver takes his turn. How did this guy convince anybody that he was worth the money?
3RD PLACE: THE TEXAS MULES/STEERS
LAST YEAR: 8TH PLACE
KTS: Catcher and what has quietly become the second best infield in the CARP. With Pudge and Johnson there is just no competition. Posada and Varitek are both emerging stars but will never be even half the roto stud that Pudge already is. I mean this is a catcher who will hit 30+ homers with 100 rbi 100 runs and bat .300+, that's good for an OF and absolutely unheard of for a catcher in the AL. Despite a slow start Mr. Wolfe has assembled an infield that should keep the Mules in contender status for the next several years. Glaus and Chavez are the two best young 3B's in the game. Tejada will soon join the likes of ARod, Nomar, and Jeter as a legitimate 25-30 hr SS and Knoblauch will post his normal 15hr 120run and 25sb season. Even the weak links in the IF, Walker and Tino, are above average roto players who will still put up decent numbers this year. By the end of the season Koch will have established himself as the second best closer in the AL behind Rivera. That is important because Howry is starting to look over his shoulder at Foulke, the future closer in Chicago.
KTD: For a brief time, one night actually when I had a few too many harpoons, I was tempted to write the classic worst to first story of the Mules. Two things will not allow that to happen this year. First, the pitching. An eleventh hour trade with the Brewers prevented the Mules staff from becoming a joke. While Pettitte, Helling, and Escobar lend a certain respectability to the staff, none are the roto stud that the Mule's need to win this year. Hudson is still looking to regain the form that allowed him to go 11-2 in the majors last year, and Garcia, on the brink of establishing himself in the AL, may now be lost for at least 2 months with a fracture in his leg. When you're only answer to such early season setbacks is to start an Angel pitcher like Hill or Dickson its time to start thinking about finishing in the money and not picking your CARP MVP.
Second, the OF. Mr. Wolfe has placed a huge burden on a very young and inexperienced OF to produce some big numbers. Konerko is the grey beard of the group at 25. Kapler still has to figure out how to hit breaking balls. Mateo remains 1-2 years away from being a star, and Sexton still has not emerged from a month long slump. No doubt that these players will be impact players, but with the exception of Konerko, none of them will post impressive CARP numbers this year.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT B/A
The Mules front office has been the favorite whipping boy for the Man the past several years, this year the mantle was passed to the Skins. The draft grade is a result of the fact that the Mules only had two players to draft. I think that Knobby for $23 is an A while Cone for $24 is a C and thus we have a B. Most of the taxi round was hit or miss. For every Segui there was a Baines and for every Karsay there was a Hamilton. The management grade is the result of the most successful offseason of any CARP team in recent memory. The Mules finshed last in CARP last year and in the offseason moved to acquire: Pettitte, Helling, Escobar, Sexton, Tejada, Pudge, and Tino. That isn't a makeover its a freakin team transplant. At the same time the Mules managed to keep their salary structure intact. Only one player, Pudge, will be over $40 next year and their most expensive hitter will be Knobby at $24. While the Mules might only finish in the money this year, for the first time since 95' the CARP trophy will not be the exclusive property of either the Creepers or Brewers in 2001.
Player to watch: Konerko. When nobody believed, the Wolfe had faith and that will be rewarded with a 35 hr season.
Grab a beer when: Cameron's up. Granted its unfair to expect him to be the next Griffey. But you can't bat leadoff and expect to thrive when you hit 230 and don't take walks. Have fun batting 9th.
2ND PLACE: THE BRIGHTON CREEPERS
LAST YEAR: 2ND PLACE
KTS: Still the best offense in CARP. The Creepers are the perfect balance of power and speed up and down their lineup. The infield is the best in CARP. Palmeiro, Palmer, and Durham are all the best at their position in the AL. Erstad, proving that last year was a fluke, has greatly reduced his milk intake and is having an MVP season. Feebles, a steal at the draft for $10 is the sparkplug to a emerging Royals offense. In the OF Ramirez is automatic, throw in that fact that its a contract season for him and watch out. Justice might have one more good season left, Damon will challenge for 20/20 and Canseco will not rest until hit hits 600 hrs and has perfect hair. Remember that this offense has not yet hit its stride. Gonzalez is struggling with his new team (6rbi in April?) and Stairs, despite the fact that he looks and plays like a slo-pitch softball player will both come around eventaully. Fordyce has yet to play and I haven't even mentioned Jeter and Posada. All in all the Creeper offense will be ripping the cover off the ball all season and that will make the CARP championship go right down to the final day, when the Creepers will fall just short of the championship. That will not be the fault of the Pen, the best in CARP with the one two punch of Troy "Decaf" Percival and Lowe, the best closers in the league not named Mariano or Billy.
KTD: Why, despite a photo finsh for the CARP trophy, won't it be the Creepers year? Chicks dig the long ball, but pitching wins championships. Going into the draft the Creepers needed pitching desperately. They came away with Bottenfield, Baldwin and Tomko. Not three names that inspire a manager with dreams of glory. However, as April has unfolded the Creeper troika have proved to be more that servicable. Baldwin is 4-0, this from a guy who usually doesn't win his fourth until the Fourth of July. Th problem has been and will continue to be with the rest of the rotation. Guzman is on the DL and is keeping a seat warm for Sirotka. Sirotka is a good but not great pitcher with exceptional control, that is his strength. Last year in 32 starts he had a era of 4.00. This year in April--17ip 6.23era and 1.92 whip. He's hurt and will not admit it. Ponson and Tomko can both emerge as good #2 or #3 starters in the AL but they still need time and this year will be a lot of quality starts followed by those ugly lines of 4ip and 5er. Clemens is the big question mark, and the Creepers season may be in his hands. Does he have one more CY Young left in him? Right now the numbers are inconclusive (3.69era but 1.51 whip). The Man thinks that while the Rocket will rebound from last year's disappointment there will not be a record 6th Cy for the trophy case. Think 16wins, 4.00 era and 1.40 whip with 200k's.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT B/B+
While Baldwin/Tomko/Bottenfield may not be what the Creepers had hoped for out of the draft they can't complain about their combined salary of $6. Justice was cheap at $2 but it remains to be seen if he can put together a full healthy season with good numbers. Despite his groin injury, selecting Cattalanatto in the 5th round may have been the steal of the taxi. This guy could hit 20 hrs playing a full season and he can play 2nd, 3rd, and OF. If it weren't for Oates, perhaps the worst manager in the AL, he would be starting instead of filling in for Evans and Alicea. The rest of the Creeper bench is a tantalizing list of talanted players who have yet to fulfill expectations (Anderson and Branyan) or those who won't even get the chance until late 2001 (Drew and Colombe). The Creepers remain one of the best, if not the best evaluators of talent in CARP. Even with the offensive juggernaut that was the 99' Creeper offense, GM Griffiths obtained Palmeiro, Damon, and uber-prospect Vernon Wells in the off-season. While visions of spring training 500ft hr from Sexton still linger, Kip Wells looks to be the number 1 in Chicago as soon as next year.
Player to watch: As if I have to point out Erstad. Coming off a season in which he hit .260, the thirtsy one already has more multi-hit games in April than some players get in a season. MVP candidate in he played for a contender and not the weak-ass Angels.
Grab a beer when: Guzman comes off the DL. He has not been healthy in years. He's not healthy now and when he comes back he has to pitch in that homer friendly monstrosity in Tampa--you have been warned.
1ST PLACE: THE CAPITOL CITY BREWERS
LAST YEAR: CARP CHAMPION
KTS: Somebody has to win, and somebody has to lose, and somebody has to make the call. In the closest season in years the Brewers will take home the trophy for the 4th time in 6 seasons when Sidney Ponson is rocked for 8er in 3ip in a meaningless season finale against the A's. You can never be too rich or too thin. You can never have too much beer stored in your car hole and you can't have too much starting pitching. While the Brewers don't have too much, they are the deepest and most talented staff in CARP. No team can boast 3 #1's like Mussina, El Duque and Radke. That's half the staff. Olivares and Heredia are both underrated starters on a good team.
Ortiz will have his struggles early on but when Saberhagen returns in May Ortiz will become the #7 on the staff. Although it's not yet May, the Brewers staff is already beginning to dominate the ERA/WHIP standings like Bucko staff's of old. This Brewer lineup will not stir memories of the 97 team which swept every offensive catagory, but they will be right behind the Creepers most of the year. It all starts with Nomar and ARod, the class of CARP. At the corner the Brewers just continue to reload. Thome and Giambi are each threats for 40+hr. The OF, once Greer returns in from the DL in 2-3 weeks is as good as anybody's. GWilliams has been a pleasant surprise early on offsetting the sophmore slump of MVP in waiting Beltran.
KTD: The bullpen. Rivera is the best in the league but a #2 has to emerge. Shuey is confirming GM LaTour's worst fears at this point. Not only has has blown every save opportunity thus far but Karsay performace makes him look even worse. Zimmerman is a fluke and Moreno is months away from even returning to the pen for KC. The Brewers were counting on an excess of starting pitching that could be traded for a closer but Mahay has been a bust and Wakefield was sent to the bullpen for long relief the day after the draft. How long can the Brewers survive with just Rivera? The bench has also been exposed early on. When Greer went down the Brewers had nobody to go to and have only 2 picks in the first 2 supplemental drafts. In the absence of a trade, the Brewers will need productive numbers from Norton and or Lamb and Piatt. That's a tall order from that bunch.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT B-/A-
It was feast or famine for the Brewers at this year's draft. Kennedy has thus far justified the bidding war between the Brewers and Creepers for a 2nd baseman who had never player a full season. He's on pace for .300/12hr/35sb. However, going to the wall hamstrung the Brewers for the rest of the draft as they watched helplessly as good players slipped through their hands once their bid reached $2. Thus it became bargain/bust hunting. For every GWilliams there was a Jaha, for every Molina a Lamb. Just more pressure on the pitching staff. Speaking of which, the Brewers continued to stockpile young stud pitchers. After picking Sabathia off the Creepers last year the Brewers managed to grab future stars Baez and Kim in the first two rounds. Baez is still getting his shit together, but Kim is dominating AAA and could be with Boston in July while C.C. already has 38k's in 28ip in A ball. Piatt, quickly gaining confidence during his callup makes up for the wasted pick on punk-ass Leyritz in the 9th round. You don't win 3 championships in 5 years unless you know what you're doing. The Brewers are not afraid to pull the trigger on a major deal. Last year in was Thome and El Duque. This offseason it was Giambi/Shuey and Pena (ouch!). If the Brewers stumble during the summer don't be surprised to see another blockbuster trade involving some of the young Brewer talent to capture that last CARP Cup for Captain Belle.
Player to watch: Belle. It's probably the last go round for the Capt. He wants another ring, badly. Once the weather gets warm watch out, he has a 55hr season in him yet.
Grab a beer when: Jaha limps to the plate. The Brewers were seduced by his 99' numbers and chose to ignore his injury history. You reap what you sow, in this case that would be .129 0hr 1rbi 3runs.
8TH PLACE: THE WASHINGTON BROWNSKINS
LAST YEAR:4TH
Key to Success: The front of the rotation is strong. Colon is a #1, Sele and solid #2 and both Burba and Rupe will provide good numbers if not overly fantastic. In fact, all but Rupe are serious threats to win 20+ games. The C position is also above average. The Skins' re-uped on Assy (that's what Juan calls him) and he and Hernandez form a good combo at the backstop.
Key to Distress: Simply put: depth. The Skins' ould kick ass in a AA roto league. That's the problem. At the expense of players who actually get AB's the Skins are stocked to the gills with prospects. Even assuming the Castilla is the DH (once he emerges from the DL) and Guzman is the SS (instead of Soriano) the Skins are tanking 2 batting positions. The same is true for the rotation. Anderson, Mulder and Weaver all look to put up numbers in 2001-02. The Skins need to buy a calender. If anybody gets hurt or goes down the Skins will have to swallow long and hard and put Beck in (once he too comes off the DL) because he is the ONLY major league pitcher drafted in the taxi round.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT C+/B-
Despite a last minute snafu that rendered the Skins' little more than a disembodied voice over a speakerphone a la' Charlie of Charlie's Angels fame, the Skins had an above average draft. Due to incessant prospect stockpiling the Skins' did little to address their appalling lack of depth in either pitching or hitting. Mondesi is the exception. The Skins need big things from him and he will deiver to a point. Its no accident that despite 3 straight 30hr seasons Mondesi have never driven in 100. Look for 38hr 100rbi but only 22sb. Olerud is fine but $32? His days of .363 are long gone. 30hr 1B's are a dime a dozen and this guy's hoping for 25. Even when Castilla comes off the DL the over/under for hrs between him and Olerud is 50.
Player to watch: Colon, watch him blossom into a dominate #1
Grab a beer when: Ledee steps in the box. Prove me wrong punk.
7TH PLACE: THE WAVERLY/SOMEPLACE IN MAINE WARTHOGS
LAST YEAR: 6TH
KTS: Healthy pitching and quick callups. The Hogs come off a year in 99' in which the staff won only 70 games(and Irabu had 11 of those). Ouch! Nomo and Witasick were both good pickups. Expect adjustments from both from the early weeks. Nomo not as good as his current numbers nor is Witasick as bad. Erickson (rusty) and Alvarez (fat) need to pitch like its a contract year for them. Meanwhile the Hogs are banking on either Yarnall or Garland to get more than a cup of coffee at the show this year, more like a 64oz Stuckey truck stop special.
KTD: An unbalanced offense. Too many guys who can't hit for avg. (Vaughn, Encarnacion, Easly Valentin) combined with power pretenders such as O'Neil, Bell, and Guillen to mount an attack that would scare most slo-pitch softball leagues. In addition, the Hogs lost 50+ steals with the defection of Feebles and Hunter and they are replaced with O'Neil and Valentin.
That's like moving from the Hilton to the Super 8. PS...if the rotation can't stay healthy its Rapp and Mercedes to the rescue.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT B/C+
Nomo, Trach, and Witasick for $8 is a steal. The Hogs certainly got value, however, the actual impact of those players may end up being not far out of proportion to their price. Offseason acquistions such as Alvarez and Mo Vaughn for the likes of Richie Sexson do NOT win GM of the year awards.
Player to watch: Milton, will seamlessly assume the role of ace once Radke is traded.
Grab a beer when: Rapp takes the mound. Does that Pepto come in 32oz?
6TH PLACE: THE CHELSEA "PINK" PIRATES
LAST YEAR: 7TH
KTS: Despite the loss of Edmunds due to the fascist Commish and his evil minions, the Pink Pirates has a super OF. Lofton comes in for Damon to strengthen a OF anchored by budding super star Ordonez (look for 40hr 125rbi). For a no name rotation, the Pirates have the chance to have one of the better staffs in CARP. Rosado is the only #1 but Suppan, Nagy, Loaiza and even Yan are all capable of 10+ wins. If Thompson comes back healthy in May and provide 25 starts the front office can begin to address the fatal flaw of the club.
KTD: Both the infield and the bullpen are too fundamentally retarded to allow the Pirates to finish any higher. Evans, already stung by pre-season heckling at the hands of drunk Philadelphians, will be exposed for the lame-ass that he is. I mean this guy was released by the Jays when Tony Fernandez was at 3rd. Brosius is already hurt and Gonzalez is gearing up for his annual "I don't suck" campaign. Good luck. I've seen the numbers, but I still don't think the Big Skirt has regained his old form. Izzy is an interesting pick up, but asking him to carry the load alone with Cordero and Guardado as your help is simply asking too much.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT B+/B
The entire outfield acquisition of Lofton/Buhner/Martinez was perhaps the coup of the draft. Lofton has already put the rest of the league on notice that last year's numbers were an aberration. Even getting only 400-450 abs this year a healthy Buhner could get 35hr. Martinez is solid year in year out. I also like Fick, $7 is a little high but he should also see decent abs. Thompson/Wheeler/Zito are a great blend of youth and veteran stuff.
We can finally look at this Pirate team as a true reflection of the ownership tandem of Dennis "DUI" Hirsch and his cohort Owen "Make your own joke here" Ayre. No longer can they complain about the team they inherited from the late Dr. Glahn. While they deserve praise for their draft they cannot escape the fact that they traded the best backstop in CARP and current MVP away for the Big Skirt and Trot Nixon. Not to mention they have the only current CARP player with a halo brace on their roster.
Player to watch: Ordonez. He may be the trendy pick, but there is no denying his talent and potential.
Grab a beer when: Alex Gonzalez digs in. This guy has been the whipping boy for The Man for years. Nothing has changed.
5TH PLACE: THE BELTWAY BUCKOS
LAST YEAR: 5TH
KTS: Vastly improved outfield and strong front rotation. Pitching has always been the calling card of the Buckos. Their staff from 95' still holds most of the CARP pitching records. This season is no different. The staff returns every crucial member with the exception of Erickson for the 2000 campaign, a staff which won 99 games last year. Wells and Moyer are automatic. Halladay looks to step in for Erickson and Rogers early returns are scary.(look for 18 wins and era/whip 3.80/1.30). The outfiled is greatly improved with Everett and Salmon. Remember the Surhoff led the team with 28hr last year. However Everett/Salmon are good for 60+hrs and Grieve cna be 30+ if he can put together a full season like the second half he had for the Buckos last year after the trade (25hr 74rbi in 367abs).
KTD: Batista saved the infield from being a total disaster. I know about Alomar but the rest? Ripkin might just retire after he gets his 3,000 hit, Ortiz has yet to fulfill his potential and must deal with the constant threat of bench time with that crusty old bastard up in Minn and Cruz is, well he's a pretty good $1 ss, nuff said. What's that? Oh, right Tony Clark. Now I would be lying if I said I wasn't a believer at one point. I mean this guy is 6'7" with this giant power stroke. Problem is that long stroke leads to long slumps, those slumps have also been referred to as April, May, and June. And now Clark doesn't have Tiger stadium to kick around any more. Add to that a weak top of the order in Detroit and Igor gobbling up many of his rbi and its goodbye 35hr 120rbi seasons for Mr. Clark. I'll take a wild stab at .275 28hr 90rbi. The infield narrowly dooms the Buckos to Pretender status.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT A-/A-
In the South I think they call it playing possum. I swear to god that's what the Buckos seem to do year in year out at the draft. I mean I have a great deal of respect for the team. After all they are only 1 of 3 teams on the trophy. But sometimes you get the feeling the Buckos are not exactly on top of things. You talk with them in the offseason about players and they don't always know which team they are on sometimes. Then they show up at the draft right off the plane from Grenada of all freakin places and walk away with Everett, Batista, Salmon, and Wetteland and arguably don't overpay for a single one. The Buckos has demonstrated that slow and steady sometimes wins the race. The shrewdest trade of 99 was Grieve and Halladay for Cone and Lofton. A trade looking to pay big dividends in 2000. The Buckos don't receive a perfect grade in large part because of the youth movement?! the Buckos undertook in the taxi. I mean please...Stanley, Polonia, Fassero, Bordick. Who is the team sponsor, Depends?
Player to watch: Halladay. Not so much for a breakout season, that comes in 2001, but because he is crucial to the Buckos staff and must put of good numbers.
Grab a beer when: CJ Nitowski toes the rubber. This guy slipped something into somebody's drink to in a shot in the Tiger's rotation. Look out for serious whiplash.
Well, here it is at last. I know that many of you thought that the Man would not deliver the goods this year, but after having to deal with the annoying distractions of work and taxes here are The Pretenders 2000, as inevitable as Canseco pulling a hammy. Before I get to the teams I want to make clear that one reason it took me so long to put together the Pretenders this year is that the league is so wide open. Really any of these four teams could win this year and it should be at least a three team race right down to the final weekend this year. Anyway, somebody has to lose and somebody will carry the trophy home (which looks quite nice on top of my armoire).
4TH PLACE: THE PHILADELPHIA CHEESESTEAKS
LAST YEAR: 3RD PLACE
KTS: Deep pitching and an improved infield. The brothers Martinez and Mr. Finley are as strong as any 1-3 in CARP. Between Finley and Pedro they already have 57k's in just 6 starts. You do the math. Ramon will be fine once the weather warms up. He could easily post 15+ wins. Carpenter and Meche ar still a year away from putting up impressive roto numbers but most owners would love to have them now. The big problem with the pitching staff is the over-stuffed beanie baby Jaret Wright. Either the Steaks know something the Man doesn't (impossible you say?) or perhaps there is a seceret gay romance brewing, but how does this guy make the rotation with Oliver, Parque and Mays on the bench? I mean this guy sucks big time.
I've been saying it since his rookie year. He's got a nice flat 95mph fastball and he's willing to pitch inside (of your helmet) but that doesn't cut it at the show. It went almost unnoticed at the draft that the Steaks sat around waiting for everyone else to finnish before scooping up DeShields and Fryman for a total of $3. DeShields is on a mission and it looks like he will steal 40+. Combined with Delgado and Randa the Steaks infield will not be the reason that the team fades in the summer.
KTD: That honor goes to the OF. The poor Steaks, that Grebeck thing is for real. Puckett goes blind, McGuire, Brown and Junior all go NL, what's an owner to do. Apparently hang your hopes on a Higgenson comeback. I mean the Steaks sometimes look like the island of misfit toys, refuge for players who once showed promise but now cling to the Steaks in the hope of reviving their stalled careers. Mr. Higgenson have you met Mr. Bottalico?
At Comerica park Higgy might finish the year with single digit HR's. The catchers on this team suck as well. LeCroy will be a stud, but not this year. Who the hell is Mark Johnson? If you need a Boston catcher who doesn't play, talk to the Steaks.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT A-/B+
The Steaks had perhaps the second best draft next to the Buc's. As mentioned before, DeShields and Fryman cement that infield. Cruz and Fullmer cannot be ignored. With Stewart still suffering from a nagging hammy from last season it is crucial that Cruz develop into an everyday player this year. He has always been known as a cripple hitter (see his 8hr) but still has shown an inability to hit the breaking pitch (see his .230 avg). Fullmer is looking to have a breakout year once he got out of Montreal. Sasaki is the gamble. No doubt he has the chance to pick up 30+ saves. The problem is that Pinella likes to ruin his pen. I would worry about his overuse, espicially down the stretch. Sasucki is coming off surgery and has only 3 saves in 8 appearances thus far this season. The Steaks will need those saves with Timlin and the human napalm bomb Bottalico in their pen. Smart vets like JValentin and Dave Martinez add valuable bench stength. This may be the last year that the Steaks can hold on to Pedro. He will be $70 next year. Unfortunaely his supporting cast is just not strong enough to win this year. Pedro's best chance for a CARP ring may lie in being traded in August to the eventaul CARP champ, ah, whomever that is.
Player to watch: Finley. Given the chance to shine on a contender Finley will win 20 for the first time.
Grab a beer when: Oliver takes his turn. How did this guy convince anybody that he was worth the money?
3RD PLACE: THE TEXAS MULES/STEERS
LAST YEAR: 8TH PLACE
KTS: Catcher and what has quietly become the second best infield in the CARP. With Pudge and Johnson there is just no competition. Posada and Varitek are both emerging stars but will never be even half the roto stud that Pudge already is. I mean this is a catcher who will hit 30+ homers with 100 rbi 100 runs and bat .300+, that's good for an OF and absolutely unheard of for a catcher in the AL. Despite a slow start Mr. Wolfe has assembled an infield that should keep the Mules in contender status for the next several years. Glaus and Chavez are the two best young 3B's in the game. Tejada will soon join the likes of ARod, Nomar, and Jeter as a legitimate 25-30 hr SS and Knoblauch will post his normal 15hr 120run and 25sb season. Even the weak links in the IF, Walker and Tino, are above average roto players who will still put up decent numbers this year. By the end of the season Koch will have established himself as the second best closer in the AL behind Rivera. That is important because Howry is starting to look over his shoulder at Foulke, the future closer in Chicago.
KTD: For a brief time, one night actually when I had a few too many harpoons, I was tempted to write the classic worst to first story of the Mules. Two things will not allow that to happen this year. First, the pitching. An eleventh hour trade with the Brewers prevented the Mules staff from becoming a joke. While Pettitte, Helling, and Escobar lend a certain respectability to the staff, none are the roto stud that the Mule's need to win this year. Hudson is still looking to regain the form that allowed him to go 11-2 in the majors last year, and Garcia, on the brink of establishing himself in the AL, may now be lost for at least 2 months with a fracture in his leg. When you're only answer to such early season setbacks is to start an Angel pitcher like Hill or Dickson its time to start thinking about finishing in the money and not picking your CARP MVP.
Second, the OF. Mr. Wolfe has placed a huge burden on a very young and inexperienced OF to produce some big numbers. Konerko is the grey beard of the group at 25. Kapler still has to figure out how to hit breaking balls. Mateo remains 1-2 years away from being a star, and Sexton still has not emerged from a month long slump. No doubt that these players will be impact players, but with the exception of Konerko, none of them will post impressive CARP numbers this year.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT B/A
The Mules front office has been the favorite whipping boy for the Man the past several years, this year the mantle was passed to the Skins. The draft grade is a result of the fact that the Mules only had two players to draft. I think that Knobby for $23 is an A while Cone for $24 is a C and thus we have a B. Most of the taxi round was hit or miss. For every Segui there was a Baines and for every Karsay there was a Hamilton. The management grade is the result of the most successful offseason of any CARP team in recent memory. The Mules finshed last in CARP last year and in the offseason moved to acquire: Pettitte, Helling, Escobar, Sexton, Tejada, Pudge, and Tino. That isn't a makeover its a freakin team transplant. At the same time the Mules managed to keep their salary structure intact. Only one player, Pudge, will be over $40 next year and their most expensive hitter will be Knobby at $24. While the Mules might only finish in the money this year, for the first time since 95' the CARP trophy will not be the exclusive property of either the Creepers or Brewers in 2001.
Player to watch: Konerko. When nobody believed, the Wolfe had faith and that will be rewarded with a 35 hr season.
Grab a beer when: Cameron's up. Granted its unfair to expect him to be the next Griffey. But you can't bat leadoff and expect to thrive when you hit 230 and don't take walks. Have fun batting 9th.
2ND PLACE: THE BRIGHTON CREEPERS
LAST YEAR: 2ND PLACE
KTS: Still the best offense in CARP. The Creepers are the perfect balance of power and speed up and down their lineup. The infield is the best in CARP. Palmeiro, Palmer, and Durham are all the best at their position in the AL. Erstad, proving that last year was a fluke, has greatly reduced his milk intake and is having an MVP season. Feebles, a steal at the draft for $10 is the sparkplug to a emerging Royals offense. In the OF Ramirez is automatic, throw in that fact that its a contract season for him and watch out. Justice might have one more good season left, Damon will challenge for 20/20 and Canseco will not rest until hit hits 600 hrs and has perfect hair. Remember that this offense has not yet hit its stride. Gonzalez is struggling with his new team (6rbi in April?) and Stairs, despite the fact that he looks and plays like a slo-pitch softball player will both come around eventaully. Fordyce has yet to play and I haven't even mentioned Jeter and Posada. All in all the Creeper offense will be ripping the cover off the ball all season and that will make the CARP championship go right down to the final day, when the Creepers will fall just short of the championship. That will not be the fault of the Pen, the best in CARP with the one two punch of Troy "Decaf" Percival and Lowe, the best closers in the league not named Mariano or Billy.
KTD: Why, despite a photo finsh for the CARP trophy, won't it be the Creepers year? Chicks dig the long ball, but pitching wins championships. Going into the draft the Creepers needed pitching desperately. They came away with Bottenfield, Baldwin and Tomko. Not three names that inspire a manager with dreams of glory. However, as April has unfolded the Creeper troika have proved to be more that servicable. Baldwin is 4-0, this from a guy who usually doesn't win his fourth until the Fourth of July. Th problem has been and will continue to be with the rest of the rotation. Guzman is on the DL and is keeping a seat warm for Sirotka. Sirotka is a good but not great pitcher with exceptional control, that is his strength. Last year in 32 starts he had a era of 4.00. This year in April--17ip 6.23era and 1.92 whip. He's hurt and will not admit it. Ponson and Tomko can both emerge as good #2 or #3 starters in the AL but they still need time and this year will be a lot of quality starts followed by those ugly lines of 4ip and 5er. Clemens is the big question mark, and the Creepers season may be in his hands. Does he have one more CY Young left in him? Right now the numbers are inconclusive (3.69era but 1.51 whip). The Man thinks that while the Rocket will rebound from last year's disappointment there will not be a record 6th Cy for the trophy case. Think 16wins, 4.00 era and 1.40 whip with 200k's.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT B/B+
While Baldwin/Tomko/Bottenfield may not be what the Creepers had hoped for out of the draft they can't complain about their combined salary of $6. Justice was cheap at $2 but it remains to be seen if he can put together a full healthy season with good numbers. Despite his groin injury, selecting Cattalanatto in the 5th round may have been the steal of the taxi. This guy could hit 20 hrs playing a full season and he can play 2nd, 3rd, and OF. If it weren't for Oates, perhaps the worst manager in the AL, he would be starting instead of filling in for Evans and Alicea. The rest of the Creeper bench is a tantalizing list of talanted players who have yet to fulfill expectations (Anderson and Branyan) or those who won't even get the chance until late 2001 (Drew and Colombe). The Creepers remain one of the best, if not the best evaluators of talent in CARP. Even with the offensive juggernaut that was the 99' Creeper offense, GM Griffiths obtained Palmeiro, Damon, and uber-prospect Vernon Wells in the off-season. While visions of spring training 500ft hr from Sexton still linger, Kip Wells looks to be the number 1 in Chicago as soon as next year.
Player to watch: As if I have to point out Erstad. Coming off a season in which he hit .260, the thirtsy one already has more multi-hit games in April than some players get in a season. MVP candidate in he played for a contender and not the weak-ass Angels.
Grab a beer when: Guzman comes off the DL. He has not been healthy in years. He's not healthy now and when he comes back he has to pitch in that homer friendly monstrosity in Tampa--you have been warned.
1ST PLACE: THE CAPITOL CITY BREWERS
LAST YEAR: CARP CHAMPION
KTS: Somebody has to win, and somebody has to lose, and somebody has to make the call. In the closest season in years the Brewers will take home the trophy for the 4th time in 6 seasons when Sidney Ponson is rocked for 8er in 3ip in a meaningless season finale against the A's. You can never be too rich or too thin. You can never have too much beer stored in your car hole and you can't have too much starting pitching. While the Brewers don't have too much, they are the deepest and most talented staff in CARP. No team can boast 3 #1's like Mussina, El Duque and Radke. That's half the staff. Olivares and Heredia are both underrated starters on a good team.
Ortiz will have his struggles early on but when Saberhagen returns in May Ortiz will become the #7 on the staff. Although it's not yet May, the Brewers staff is already beginning to dominate the ERA/WHIP standings like Bucko staff's of old. This Brewer lineup will not stir memories of the 97 team which swept every offensive catagory, but they will be right behind the Creepers most of the year. It all starts with Nomar and ARod, the class of CARP. At the corner the Brewers just continue to reload. Thome and Giambi are each threats for 40+hr. The OF, once Greer returns in from the DL in 2-3 weeks is as good as anybody's. GWilliams has been a pleasant surprise early on offsetting the sophmore slump of MVP in waiting Beltran.
KTD: The bullpen. Rivera is the best in the league but a #2 has to emerge. Shuey is confirming GM LaTour's worst fears at this point. Not only has has blown every save opportunity thus far but Karsay performace makes him look even worse. Zimmerman is a fluke and Moreno is months away from even returning to the pen for KC. The Brewers were counting on an excess of starting pitching that could be traded for a closer but Mahay has been a bust and Wakefield was sent to the bullpen for long relief the day after the draft. How long can the Brewers survive with just Rivera? The bench has also been exposed early on. When Greer went down the Brewers had nobody to go to and have only 2 picks in the first 2 supplemental drafts. In the absence of a trade, the Brewers will need productive numbers from Norton and or Lamb and Piatt. That's a tall order from that bunch.
DRAFT/MANAGEMENT B-/A-
It was feast or famine for the Brewers at this year's draft. Kennedy has thus far justified the bidding war between the Brewers and Creepers for a 2nd baseman who had never player a full season. He's on pace for .300/12hr/35sb. However, going to the wall hamstrung the Brewers for the rest of the draft as they watched helplessly as good players slipped through their hands once their bid reached $2. Thus it became bargain/bust hunting. For every GWilliams there was a Jaha, for every Molina a Lamb. Just more pressure on the pitching staff. Speaking of which, the Brewers continued to stockpile young stud pitchers. After picking Sabathia off the Creepers last year the Brewers managed to grab future stars Baez and Kim in the first two rounds. Baez is still getting his shit together, but Kim is dominating AAA and could be with Boston in July while C.C. already has 38k's in 28ip in A ball. Piatt, quickly gaining confidence during his callup makes up for the wasted pick on punk-ass Leyritz in the 9th round. You don't win 3 championships in 5 years unless you know what you're doing. The Brewers are not afraid to pull the trigger on a major deal. Last year in was Thome and El Duque. This offseason it was Giambi/Shuey and Pena (ouch!). If the Brewers stumble during the summer don't be surprised to see another blockbuster trade involving some of the young Brewer talent to capture that last CARP Cup for Captain Belle.
Player to watch: Belle. It's probably the last go round for the Capt. He wants another ring, badly. Once the weather gets warm watch out, he has a 55hr season in him yet.
Grab a beer when: Jaha limps to the plate. The Brewers were seduced by his 99' numbers and chose to ignore his injury history. You reap what you sow, in this case that would be .129 0hr 1rbi 3runs.
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